Popular Comedy Quotes
Bruce: Mitch, girl go pee-pee not something I want to see-see.
Ox: I agree-gree.
The Dude: You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fuckin' glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. You'd just met me... You human paraquat! You figured 'Oh, here's a loser. A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.
The Big Lebowski: Well, aren't you?
The Dude: Well... yeah.
Agent 99: Not bad for a rookie.
Maxwell Smart: Not bad for an old lady.
In the three years I followed His ass around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid? Hell no. And I was in my prime. I could've been knee-deep in shepherd's daughters, not to mention fine-ass Mary Magdalene. She had a thing for dark meat, if you follow me.Rufus
Rita: What about me, Phil? Do you know me too?
Phil: I know all about you. You like producing, but you hope for more than Channel 9 Pittsburgh.
Rita: Well, everyone knows that!
Phil: You like boats, but not the ocean. You go to a lake in the summer with your family up in the mountains. There's a long wooden dock and a boathouse with boards missing from the roof, and a place you used to crawl underneath to be alone. You're a sucker for French poetry and rhinestones. You're very generous. You're kind to strangers and children, and when you stand in the snow you look like an angel.
Rita: How are you doing this?
Phil: I told you. I wake up every day, right here, right in Punxsutawney, and it's always February 2nd, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Okay, not to keep dwelling on this, but that was some kiss. How did you know that will work? Have you kissed other men who then plummented to their deaths?Maxwell Smart
We're very lucky in the band in that we have two visionaries, David and Nigel, they're like poets, like Shelley and Byron. They're two distinct types of visionaries, it's like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water.Derek Smalls
I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit... stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!Katinka [to Matilda]
Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you... even if you know its someplace you know you're not supposed to be.Van Wilder
You put the bone in Zamboni.Chazz
[to Klitz] I know this isn't professional, but I think you're really cute.April
Gwen: What was that girl, a freshman?
Van Wilder: She reads at a sophomore level.