Popular Comedy Quotes
Napoleon Dynamite: So, we're pretty much friends by now, right?
Napoleon Dynamite: So, you got my back and everything, right?
Doug Madsen: You're the sheriff, aren't you going out there?
Charley: Hey, I took my law enforcement course on the internet! For arms training they just told us to play Doom!
I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just "Crewman Number Six." I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is. I've gotta get outta here.Guy Fleegman
Joan Baxter: You want to build a boat?
Evan Baxter: It might be something fun for the family. Go sailing on the lake. I don't know... it'd be great in case it floods or something.
You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.Ernie McCracken
Bill: It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
Ted: Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian...
Ted, Bill: ...MR. GENGHIS KHAN!
[All the students applaud wildly for Khan]
Ted: This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods.
You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called "Gimme Shelter," about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn.Chip Douglas
Ted: I think I still want to look her up.
Pat Healy: Who, rollerpig? Are you nuts?
Ted: You said she was a real sparkplug.
Pat Healy: No, I said buttplug. She's heinous.
We can hang in my crib. I will show you my 'hood.Lee
And that, I think, was the handle - -that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.Raoul Duke
Joey Naylor: Dad, why is the American government the best government?
Nick Naylor: Because of our endless appeals system.