Popular Comedy Quotes
Erica Barry: What are you doing here, Harry?
Harry: Turns out the heart attack was easy to get over. You... were something else. I finally get it. I'm 63 years old... and I'm in love for the first time in my life.
[on her play] It's about a divorced woman, a writer. She's this high-strung, over-amped, controlling, know-it-all neurotic. [everyone stares in silence] ... who's incredibly cute, and lovable!Erica Barry
Harry: I don't think I've ever had this effect on a woman before.
Erica Barry: What effect do you think you're having on me?
Harry: I don't quite recognize it. That's how I know I never had it before.
Harry: Oh. Her. She is a major piece of work. Doc, the woman wears turtlenecks in the middle of summer: she's beyond uptight. Almost makes her fun to be around.
Julian Mercer: Uptight. That's funny, I haven't noticed that.
Harry: Try living with her.
Younger Cop: And was there anything of value in the car?
The Dude: Oh, uh, yeah, uh... a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a, uh... uh, my briefcase.
Younger Cop: [expectant pause] In the briefcase?
The Dude: Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
Younger Cop: And what do you do, sir?
The Dude: I'm unemployed.
[offering a bouquet] These are for you to give me when you apologize.Julian Mercer
Share that with the Dalai Lama, jack ass!Jeremy Grey
When something happens to you that hasn't happened before, don't you at least have to find out what it is?Julian Mercer
Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. But he won't know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let him know you're pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he's about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the g's, and fast heel-toe work.Raoul Duke
Arnold: A winner is someone who doesn't knock me off my surfboard. Especially Tank, he's definitely not a winner.
Smudge: He's a dirty trash can full of poop.
A drug person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to handle this trip.Raoul Duke
[answers phone] Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color?Buddy