Popular Comedy Quotes
Mikey Abromowitz: They do it for the joy and the rapture and the slow-motion instant replay...
Reggie Belafonte: Say, why don't you go over to the snack bar and get yourself a big plate of shut up?
Cody Maverick: [he and Big Z are hanging upside down] When do we begin training?
Big Z: What does it look like we're doing?
Cody Maverick: It looks like we're acting like a couple of fools.
Big Z: See? You're learning.
Stop fighting it, Cody! Just let go!Lani Aliikai
This here is for my special lady. Lia. I'm gonna say that one more time. Lia.Tank Evans
Hooper: Check this shit. You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!
Banky Edwards: What's a "Nubian"?
Hooper: Shut the fuck up!
Hooper: Now... Vader, he's a spiritual brother, y'know, down with the force and all that good shit. Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a light saber and the boy decides he's gonna run the fuckin' universe; gets a whole clan of whites together. And they go and bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star. Now what the fuck do you call that?
Banky Edwards: Intergalactic civil war?
Hooper: Gentrification! They gon' drive out the black element to make the galaxy 'safe' for white folks. And Jedi's the most insulting installment! Because Vader's beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin' to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!
Banky Edwards: Well... isn't that true?
Holden: Ah, come on, that's a bunch of horse shit! Lando Calrissian was a black guy. You know, and he got to fly the Millennium Falcon, what's the matter with you?
Hooper: Who said that?
Holden: I did! Lando Calrissian is a strong role model in the realm of science fiction and fantasy.
Hooper: Fuck Lando Calrissian! Uncle Tom nigger!
Silent Bob: You're chasing Amy.
Holden: [shocked that Silent Bob spoke] What? What did you say?
Silent Bob: You're chasing Amy.
Jay: What do you look so shocked for, man, fat bastard does this all the time. He thinks just 'cause he doesn't say anything, it'll have this huge impact when he does open his fuckin' mouth...
Silent Bob: Jesus Christ, why don't you shut up? You're always yap-yap-yappin' all the time, you're givin' me a fuckin' headache.
Silent Bob: I went through something like what you're talkin' 'bout, 'couple years ago, this chick named Amy.
Silent Bob: A couple of years ago?
But, by the time I figured this all out, it was too late; she moved on. And all I had to show for it was some foolish pride which then gave way to regret. She was the girl. I know that now. But, I pushed her away. So I've spent everyday since then chasing Amy. So to speak.Silent Bob
This is all going to end badly.Banky Edwards
You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.Raoul Duke
[on Dr. Gonzo] There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.Raoul Duke