Ooh, a cottage! How charming. A little cottage is always very snug.


You're not funny. You look funny, but you're not funny.


Deputy Travis Junior: I just had the weirdest dream
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You know you're driving, right?
[hits a porto-potty]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: [looking back] Noone was in it.

When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara.

Fran Kubelik

Harry, you're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them.

Sally Albright

Mom. You're so fifties.

Tracy Turnblad

Rosemary Cross: How did I hurt your feelings?
Max Fischer: Oh, my God! I wrote a hit play!

We have a new record. Cue the cheesy inspirational music.


Gwen: What was that girl, a freshman?
Van Wilder: She reads at a sophomore level.

Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!


Claire: This is nice. Just two friends having dinner... no pressure.
Alvin: [the lights turn down, the stereo turns on; "Let's Get It On" begins to play] Boom chicka wow-wow, chicka wow-wow!
[whispering to Dave]
Alvin: Tell her she completes you!

Glen: How many Polacks it take to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I.: I don't know, Glen. One?
Glen: Nope, it takes three! ... Wait a minute, I told it wrong. Here, I'm startin' over. How come it takes three Polacks to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I.: I don't know, Glen.
Glen: 'Cause they're so darn stupid!

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