Popular Comedy Quotes
General Barnicke: Where have you been soldier?
John Winger: Training, sir.
Soldiers: Training, sir.
General Barnicke: What kind of training?
John Winger: Army training, sir.
Soldiers: Army training, sir.
John Beckwith: Get up, you're making us look like pussies.
Jeremy Grey: If I had any air in my lungs I'd scream at you.
Mike: I'm stoned... so are you!
[looks in the backseat]
Mike: Dammit! The nitrous oxide's leaking into the car! OK, calm down... we just gotta keep under the speed limit... limit...
Mike: Limit! Haha, that's another one of those freaky words!
The Mayor of Who-ville: Listen, Horton, I've gotta go. Apparently there's a problem with a giant meatball.
Horton: You just take care of that meatball sir and leave the freaking out to me.
Willie Bank: This town might have changed, but not me. I know people highly invested in my survival, and they are people who really know how to hurt in ways you can't even imagine.
Danny Ocean: Well, I know all the guys that you'd hire to come after me, and they like me better than you.
Terry Fields: Hey, what do you say, Curt? Last night in town... you guys gonna have a little bash before you leave?
Steve Bolander: The Moose have been looking for you all day.
[hands a check to Curt]
Steve Bolander: They got worried... thought you were trying to avoid them or something.
Terry Fields: What is it? What do ya got?
Curt Henderson: Oh, great.
Terry Fields: That's $2,000 man! Two thousand dollars!
Steve Bolander: Mr. Jennings gave it to me to give to you. He says he's sorry it's so late, but it's the first scholarship the Moose Lodge has given out. And he, uh, says they're all very proud of you back at the lodge.
Curt Henderson: Cute. Why don't you hold it for me for awhile?
Steve Bolander: Hey, I don't want it. Take it... it's yours.
Terry Fields: I'll take it!
Pee-wee: Have a nice day.
Large Marge: Be sure and tell 'em Large Marge sent ya! Heh heh heh heh heh.
Will Burton: I think you're trying too hard to be like Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Bug: That's crazy; I don't even like Flea.
Will Burton: Yeah, what's your name?
Sam: I haven't even lied in like, the past two days.
Andrew Largeman: Is that true?
I love you, Will, beyond poetry.Viola De Lesseps
H.I.: If it's all the same to you, Honey, I think I'll skip this little get together, slip out with the boys and knock back a couple of Coca Colas.
Ed: [gives him a look of disapproval]
H.I.: I guess that wouldn't be such a good idea.
Gale: So many social engagements, so little time.
Katy: Is this really what you're gonna do for the rest of your life?
Boon: What do you mean?
Katy: I mean hanging around with a bunch of animals getting drunk every weekend.
Boon: No! After I graduate, I'm gonna get drunk every night.