Popular Comedy Quotes
What difference does it make if I refer to her as a dyke? Or if I call the Whalers a bunch of faggots in the comfort of my own office, far from the sensitive ears of the rest of the world?Banky Edwards
Yeah, well I've had my finger up my ass but I wouldn't say I've had anal sex.Holden
Dr. Gonzo: Let's give the boy a lift.
Raoul Duke: What? No. We can't stop here. This is bat country.
Alyssa: How bad could it have been?
Holden: Put it this way: have you ever heard a nun call an eight year-old boy a fucking cunt rag?
Silent Bob: [to Holden] So there's me an' Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months in, I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb move, I know, but you know how it is - you don't really want to know, but you just have to... stupid guy bullshit. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they dated for years, lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she tells me that a couple times, he brought other people to bed with them - mÃ©nage a tois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, I'm not used to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic.
Jay: Saint Shithead.
I'm telling you, that chick is probably a bigger germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak.Banky Edwards
Since most of these people are cheering for the home team, I'm going to root for the visitors. I'm a big visitors fan. Especially the kind that make coffee in the morning before they leave!Alyssa
Collector: You're mucking with a G, you fuckin' tracer.
Banky Edwards: I'll trace a chalk line around your dead fucking body, you fuck!
Step right up and shoot the pasties off the nipples of a ten foot bull dyke! Win a cotton candy goat!Clown Barker
Holden McNeil: We've got to beat traffic.
Banky Edwards: What traffic? It's 1:30 in the morning!
Holden McNeil: Yeah, and rush hour starts in six hours. Let's go.
Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.
Jovie: Thanks, but I don't sing.
Buddy: Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.
Jovie: I *can* sing, I just choose *not* to sing. Especially in front of other people.
Buddy: If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference.
Jovie: Actually, there's a BIG difference.
Buddy: No there's not.
There was only one road back to L.A. - U.S. Interstate 15. Just a flat-out high speed burn through Baker and Barstow and Berdoo. Then onto the Hollywood Freeway, and straight on into frantic oblivion. Safety. Obscurity. Just another freak. In the freak kingdom.Raoul Duke