Popular Comedy Quotes
What difference does it make if I refer to her as a dyke? Or if I call the Whalers a bunch of faggots in the comfort of my own office, far from the sensitive ears of the rest of the world?Banky Edwards
Yeah, well I've had my finger up my ass but I wouldn't say I've had anal sex.Holden
I'm going to prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that Archie is all about pussy.Banky Edwards
Alyssa: How bad could it have been?
Holden: Put it this way: have you ever heard a nun call an eight year-old boy a fucking cunt rag?
While we're young.Al Czervik
I'm telling you, that chick is probably a bigger germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak.Banky Edwards
Since most of these people are cheering for the home team, I'm going to root for the visitors. I'm a big visitors fan. Especially the kind that make coffee in the morning before they leave!Alyssa
Any guy can sweep any girl off her feet, he just needs the right broom.Hitch
Fan: I love these guys! You know what? they're like Bill and Ted meet... Cheech and Chong!
Holden McNeil: Yeah... I kinda like to think of them as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern meet Vladamir and Estragon.
Fan: Yes! ... Who?
Holden McNeil: We've got to beat traffic.
Banky Edwards: What traffic? It's 1:30 in the morning!
Holden McNeil: Yeah, and rush hour starts in six hours. Let's go.
Always remember, life is not how many breaths you take, it's how many moments take your breath away.Hitch
Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here about the story. Elves love to tell stories. I... I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about elves. Another, another interesting, uh, elfism, uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.Papa Elf