Popular Comedy Quotes
Banky Edwards: Where's Holden?
Hooper: I think he went to the bathroom.
Banky Edwards: That guy's got a bladder like an infant.
Hooper: That's funny. He says you're hung like an infant.
Banky Edwards: Does his mother tell him everything?
Stinky Pete the Prospector: How long will it last, Woody? Do you really think Andy is going to take you to college, or on his honeymoon? Andy's growing up, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's your choice, Woody. You can go back, or you can stay with us and last forever. You'll be adored by children for generations.
Woody: [pets Bullseye the Horse, then suddenly decides to stay] Who am I to break up the Roundup Gang?
Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.
Oh, Ron, there are literally thousands of men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.Veronica Corningstone
Raoul Duke: Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear!
Dr. Gonzo: Don't tell me these things. Not now man.
Woody: Look Jessie, I know you hate me for leaving, but I have to go back. I'm still Andy's toy. Well, if you knew him, you'd understand. See, Andy's...
Jessie: Let me guess. Andy's a real special kid, and to him, you're his buddy, his best friend, and when Andy plays with you it's like... even though you're not moving, you feel like you're alive, because that's how he sees you.
Woody: How did you know that?
Jessie: Because Emily was just the same. She was my whole world.
Buzz Lightyear: You killed my father.
Emperor Zurg: No Buzz, I am your father.
Buzz Lightyear: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Emperor Zurg: We meet again Buzz Lightyear... for the last time.
Buzz Lightyear: Not today, Zurg.
Buzz Lightyear: Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours you'll be sitting around a campfire with Andy making delicious hot Schmoes.
Woody: They're called "S'mores", Buzz.
Buzz Lightyear: Yes, yes. Of course.
Bo Peep: [amorously] You're cute when you care.
Woody: [embarrassed] Bo. Not in front of Buzz.
With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.Raoul Duke
Cammi: And here are your handy wipes.
Jack: Oh, so that's what these are. For a minute there I thought you guys were promoting safe sex.