Kenny Fisher: I mean peep this - They say here 92 percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. 92 percent of the women in Los Angeles at UCLA walking around going, "Class... or sex? What shall I do?" 92 percent, yo! Hey, you know what that means?
Ritchie Koolboy: What?
Kenny Fisher: It means I gots a 92 percent chance of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shorty be like, "What's up yo?" she be like, "You don't know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa" cuz I don't yo.

Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Randy: Napoleon, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, go find your own.
Randy: Come on, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, I'm freakin' starving! I didn't get to eat anything today.

Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop.
Smoke Porterhouse: Yes judge, right away judge.

See you later, gay boys!

Mr. Chow

So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea.

King Jaffe Joffer

That's called the quart of blood technique... you do that and a quart of blood will come out a guy

Billy Ray Valentine

"That's probably Ashton Kolchak right now, tellin' us we've been 'punk'd' or whatever."

Adam [after a knock on the door]

Them syreens did this to Pete. They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad.

Delmar O'Donnell

Wear something tight.

Costa

[to Shrek as the ship leaves] Well my friend, you are royally...

Puss in Boots

When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail.

Surfing Instructor

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