Popular Comedy Quotes
George Nelson: Cows! I hate cows worse than coppers!
Delmar O'Donnell: Oh, George... not the livestock.
I'm a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys... we're a different breed.J.P. Prewitt
Sophomore dies in kiln explosion? Oh My God! I just talked to her last week... She was going to make a pot for me.Eric 'Otter' Stratton
Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.
You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah... be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien life form... and fuck it. People would be like, "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a Martian once."Jay
Cady: You're not stupid, Karen.
Karen: No, I am actually. I'm failing almost everything!
Cady: Well... there must be something you're good at.
Karen: I can stick my whole fist in my mouth! Wanna see?
Cady: No no no... Anything else?
Karen: Well... I'm kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense.
Cady: What do you mean?
Karen: It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.
Don't give me a diamond, just give me a big closet.Carrie Bradshaw
Phil Wenneck: God damn it!
Alan Garner: Gosh darn it!
Phil Wenneck: Shit!
Alan Garner: Shoot!
Hey ump, get off your knees. You're blowing the game!Stephen King
Tommy: Hey, what's your name?
Tommy: That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a sales man. Let's say I go into a guy's office, let's say he's even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited. I'm like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. Now the pet is my possible sale. Hello there pretty little pet, I love you. And then I stoke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe I love it, I love my little naughty pet, you're naughty.
I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it.Evan
Gayle Sweeny: Watch your language, Ronnie.
Ronnie Shields: My language is English and this mother fucker tried to grab my junk.