Ben Affleck: So? Action, Gus or what?
Gus Van Sant: Christ, Ben, I said I'm busy.

It may not be my way, but damn if there doesn't go one happy family. All right, gang, let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we'll... Fuckbeans. That was them, wasn't it?

Whillenholly

In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us.

Jay

And we do want to say to the people at home, the clit is not something to be played with.

Reg Hartner

Brodie: Oh my God. Don't tell me you have no idea there's a movie being made of the comic you two were the basis for.
Jay: What? Since when?
Brodie: See, here's the pulse. And this is your finger, far away from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass. Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?

Well, that's the last we should be hearing from Lucy man. She's probably stuffing herself down the incinerator about now. You know what we need? We need some opium.

Dr. Gonzo

I hope one rips the other one's shirt off and we see some fuckin titties floppin around, yeah!

Jay

Justice: Hi, I'm Justice.
Jay: And I'm so fucking yours.

Sissy: Your shit is really getting tired, Justice.
Justice: Call me 'Boo-Boo-Kitty-Fuck', bitch.

Hey. Get the fuck off her. That's my ex-girlfriend's monkey.

Jay

Consult your doctor before using this product. Side effects may include oily discharge, hives, loss of appetite, low blood pressure. If you have diabetes or a history of kidney trouble, you're dead, asshole!

Jack

Oh my god... there's someone at the door. There's someone at the door!

Dr. Gonzo

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