Popular Comedy Quotes
I've got jelly beans for teeth!Cal Deveraux
JB: Kyle's fingers be silver.
KG: Jack's voice then be gold.
JB, KG: But lest you think we're vain.
JB: We know you're all robots and we don't care! Tenacious D! We reign! Supreme, Oh, God! Burrito supreme, and a chicken supreme, and a cutlass supreme.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What I'd really like to do is talk to Dana. Dana? It's Peter.
Dana Barrett: There is no Dana, there is only Zhul.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, Zhulie, you nut, now c'mon. Just relax, c'mon. Dana, Dana. Can I talk to Dana?
Dana Barrett: [in demon voice] There is no Dana, only Zhul.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What a lovely singing voice you must have.
Valentine McKee: STAMPEDE! Stampede, Earl! Get out of the way, get out of the way!
Earl Bassett: You dumb shit. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.
Valentine McKee: Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to 'pede?
Earl Bassett: I wish they'd stampede up your ass.
I don't know what the problem is, but I'm sure it can be solved without resorting to violence.Julius Benedict
Incredible; that guy is the Deion Sanders of retards.Michael
Mr. Burke: Now, when I say "Romeo and Juliet," who comes to mind?
Dana: Claire Danes?
Mr. Burke: That's right, Claire Danes. Who else?
Chad: Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mr. Burke: Right. Who else? Well, you know someone else was involved in that movie who in some ways is as famous as Leonardo Di Caprio. And his name is William Shakespeare. And some great movies have been made based on his plays: Hamlet, West Side Story, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Waterworld, Gladiator, Chocolat...
Derek Smalls: We're lucky.
David St. Hubbins: Yeah.
Derek Smalls: I mean, people should be envying us, you know.
David St. Hubbins: I envy us.
Derek Smalls: Yeah.
David St. Hubbins: I do.
Derek Smalls: Me too.
Norah: This is amazing! You are literally like my musical soul mate.
Nick: Maybe I'll take this for a bit and you can just focus on driving.
Norah: What? You don't like my sweet grooves?
Alyssa: Fuck you.
Banky Edwards: Not even if you let me tape it
Some people never got over Vietnam or the night their band opened for Nirvana. I guess I never got over Charlie.Rob
Thorny: Now Officer Rabbit and I are going to stand here while the three of you smoke the whole bag.
College Kid: Please, no?