Popular Comedy Quotes
My parents wanted to move me into high school out of the sixth grade, but we decided to chuck the idea because I'd have trouble making friends, blah, blah, blah. Now blah, blah, blah is all I ever do. I use my grand IQ to decide what color lip gloss to wear in the morning and how to hit three keggers before curfew...Veronica Sawyer
Sandy Griffith: Have you started looking for a job yet? What about babysitting?
Noah: Babysitting sucks. Adult men don't babysit things.
Prince Edward: Have you any last words?
Robert: You have got to be kidding me!
Prince Edward: Strange words.
I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis AND a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... feminine side. I like that.Lotte Schwartz
Charles: What do you think honey?
Lydia: Delia hates it. I could live here.
Share that with the Dalai Lama, jack ass!Jeremy Grey
I used to use this gun when I was a prostitute.Red
GET OFF MY CASE MOTHERFUCKER!Brad Hamilton
You know what you are? You're God's answer to Job, y'know? You would have ended all argument between them. I mean, He would have pointed to you and said, y'know, "I do a lot of terrible things, but I can still make one of these." You know? And then Job would have said, "Eh. Yeah, well, you win."Isaac Davis
Someone's in my fruit cellar! Someone with a fresh soooul!Henrietta
You more shredded than a Julian salad, man.Kirk Lazarus
[Gil sees Justin wearing nothing but a gunbelt]
Gil: That's what you're wearing to bed? You'll catch a cold!
[Justin puts on a cowboy hat]
Gil: Karen, how about after the kids are asleep... (referring to Justin.) I wear this outfit?