Popular Comedy Quotes
...And will you, for the love of God, put on a fucking shirt?Phil Foster
At age 11, I audited my parents.Allen Gamble
Chancho. When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It's for fun.Nacho
Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!Fantasy baseball player
[evaluating a site for their business]
Dr. Peter Venkman: What do you think, Egon?
Dr. Egon Spengler: I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.
Dr Ray Stantz: Hey. Does this pole still work?
[slides down a fireman's pole]
Dr Ray Stantz: Wow. This place is great. When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I'm gonna get my stuff. Hey. We should stay here. Tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out.
[Venkman looks at Spengler. Spengler slowly shakes his head. Venkman turns to the real estate agent]
Dr. Peter Venkman: I think we'll take it.
Audrey Griswold: Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
Ellen Griswold: Find a bush Audrey!
Olive: Grandpa, am I pretty?
Grandpa: You are the most beautiful girl in the world.
Olive: You're just saying that.
Grandpa: No! I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality.
Hey ump, get off your knees. You're blowing the game!Stephen King
Inigo Montoya: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Westley: Do you always begin conversations this way?
Ash: [talking to mirror] I'm fine... I'm fine... Mirror Ash: I don't think so. We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw. Does that sound "fine"?
[talking to Deacon] I know you don't want to go to jail in Mexico because nobody wants to go to jail in Mexico. They put all kinds of burritos in your ass.Miles Logan
I'm just a little boy who plays with his penis when he's nervous.Kirk Lazarus