Popular Comedy Quotes
Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.Van Wilder
How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?... Yeah... Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.Uncle Rico
[Frank offers Tanya a cigarette]
Frank Drebin: Cigarette?
Tanya Peters: Yes, I know.
Mya: I don't go out with guys who don't open the door for me.
Mya: Yes. (as Zeke drives off, quickly and then, after a moment, drives back to the curb where she's standing) No he didn't...
Dale Doback: I manage a baseball team.
Nancy Huff: Oh, little league?
Dale Doback: Fantasy league.
As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he was talking about.Shaun
Captain O'Hagan: I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next guy who says, "Shenanigans."
Mac: Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?
Farva: You mean Shenanigans?
Just remember, you shake it more than twice you're playing with it.Bathroom Attendant
Shooter McGavin: Just stay out of my way or you'll pay, listen to what I say.
Happy Gilmore: Hey, why don't I just got and eat some hay. I can lay by the bay, make things out of clay, I just may, what'd ya say?
Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and than I smell them like this!Mary Katherine Gallagher
Bartleby Gaines: Why'd you get fired?
Glen: I got fired for making a shrimp slushy.
Bartleby Gaines: That's disgusting! Why would you do that pal?
Glen: 'Cause I was hungry and thirsty!
[after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. I mean, it's like Fergie meets Jesus.Dale Doback