Popular Comedy Quotes
Emma: It must be nice having a job with so much downtime.
Randal Graves: Downtime's important. If I had to deal with the fucking mouth-breathers all day, I'd dip my head in the deep-fryer. Balls, too...
Elias: That's bestiality, Randal!
Randal Graves: At it's finest, I hope.
Elias: Who would want to see something like that?
Randal Graves: Dante, me, YOU.
Elias: I don't want to see something like that! Why would you want to see something like that?
Randal Graves: Because it's fucked up! Besides, I want to know if a chick with a mouth full of donkey spunk swallows. Lemme borrow your cell phone.
Raoul Duke: Yeah. Hi there! My name... is, uh, Raoul Duke. I'm on the list, that's for sure. Here to cover the race. I have my attorney... with me, and I realize that his name is not on that list, but we must have that suite! What's the score here? What's next?
Frog-Eyed Woman: Your suite isn't ready yet. But someone was looking for you...
Know your dope fiend. You will not be able to see his eyes because of tea shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim.Voice of Drug Film Narrator
Teen #1: How about a nickel bag?
Jay: Fifteen bucks, lit-tle man. Put that shit in my hand. Nong nong nonga nonga nong nong.
Teen #1: [to Teen #2] He likes to sing.
Randal Graves: Why haven't you fucked Myra yet?
Elias: Well we can't because of Pillow Pants.
Randal Graves: What the fuck's Pillow Pants?
Elias: Pillow Pants is a little troll that lives in her pussy.
Say what you will about Jesus, but leave "The Rings" alone.Elias
You gotta be as blind as Anne Frank not to see that.Randal Graves
Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit! The big guy's gonna cornhole that ass! With his weiner!Jay
Randal Graves: You swung at me!
Dante Hicks: You ducked.
Randal Graves: Because you swung at me!
What about santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat those too?Buddy
As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit. You won't need much, just a tiny taste.Dr. Gonzo