Popular Comedy Quotes
[to Germans during a beer pong match] Loser takes a paddle up the ass.Todd Wolfhouse
Tripp: [at the top of a mountain, when Ace appears] Well, hey, Ace. We thought you gave up and went home.
Ace: [dropping to the ground, exhausted] No. I fell into a deep, dark crevice. It was scary.
It's gonna take a stick of dynamite to get me out of my parents' house.Tripp
Oh that's rich! I've got a cowboy on one side and an Indian on the other! It's like the wild west!Steve "Fink" Finklestein
Tripp: [has just agreed to go out to lunch with her the next day] Hey, wait - tomorrow's Saturday.
Paula: [perplexed] ... Sometimes I eat on Saturday.
Let's get sour on some Krauts!Gil
Jim The Gun Salesman: [persuading her not to buy a large gun and bullet to shoot a mockingbird] First of all, there's this book, "To Kill A Mockingbird"...
Kit: Copy that too, just put that book right here!
Kit: Yeah, everyone from work went to T.G.I. Fridays, but I don't really like that place. Or anyone that I work with.
Paula: Oh good, so then we can stay in and watch one of those drinking movies you like.
Kit: [sarcastically] Yeah!
The Dude: Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!
Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?
I was wondering if you would like to join me in my quarters this night... for some toast.Nacho
Kit: Good news. It's Champagne Thursday.
Paula: It's Friday.
Kit: Uh, yeah, it came twice this week.
Paula: For the third straight week.
Kit: There's talk of making it permanent.
Paula: Oh, kind of like Daylight Saving's Time?
Kit: Right, but for booze.
Well, everyone at work went to TGI Fridays, but I don't really like that place. Or anyone that I work with.Kit