Popular Comedy Quotes
Red: [after having his necklace snatched by Deebo] Hey, man, why didn't y'all help me!
Smokey: [slouching in his chair] Man, I'm high.
Red: Man, that's fucked up. If it was y'all, I would've helped y'all.
Craig Jones: What about the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?
Red: [pause, thinks about it] Oh, that was different.
Roy: Look at you!
Chon Wang: Look at you!
Roy: What brings you to New York?
Chon Wang: My share of the gold.
Roy: Refresh my memory. What gold are we talking about?
Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!Max Bialystock
Evan: It's not just making them smaller. They completely reshaped them. They make them more supple, symmetrical.
Seth: I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move.
You're crazier than a road lizard.Jedediah
Harry Dunne: This is my associate, Dr. Christmas.
Dr. Lewis Meldman: Christmas, as in the holiday?
Lloyd Christmas: No, as in the tree.
[to Andy] There you are Emily. How many times do I have to scream your name?Miranda Priestly
[about Gloria] She took me below deck for forty-five minutes. I have no bodily fluids left in me.Jeremy Grey
Vinny Gambini: Ms. Vito, it has been argued by me, the defense, that two sets of guys met up at the Sac-O-Suds, at the same time, driving identical metallic mint green 1964 Buick Skylark convertibles. Now, can you tell us by what you see in this picture, if the defense's case holds water?
[Lisa examines the picture]
Vinny Gambini: Ms. Vito, please answer the question: does the defense's case hold water?
Mona Lisa Vito: No! The defense is wrong!
Vinny Gambini: Are you sure?
Mona Lisa Vito: I'm positive.
White Bitch: This crystal will finally put an end to the resistance. I will start a series of earthquakes that will collapse all of Gnarnia and grow a new continent where onlyI and my followers will live.
Bink: Yo, Bitch, that's pretty much the plot of Superman Returns.
White Bitch: Pretty much, yeah.
Susan: Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a do-er, and that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab ahold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra. And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years! And it is good! And you use it! And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky! You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?!
Ricky: Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
Mark: Why'd you scratch his C D?
Steve Barker: Jeffy just admiring it.
Mark: Do it again and you'll be admiring my butt from the pavement with a straw.
Steve Barker: ... What?
Mark: You heard me!