I don't believe in God, I believe in science.

Esqueleto

They think I do not know a buttload of crap about the Gospel, but I do!

Nacho

Ahh! Ahh! I'm innocent! It was Duke! It was Duke!
[inaudible screaming, grunting] Ahh! Ahh! Don't put that thing on me! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!

Dr. Gonzo

Sister Encarnación: Wrestling is ungodly Ignacio. People cheer for him... and he is a false idol.
Nacho: Whatever.

Consult your doctor before using this product. Side effects may include oily discharge, hives, loss of appetite, low blood pressure. If you have diabetes or a history of kidney trouble, you're dead, asshole!

Jack

My life is good. Real good.

Nacho

Esqueleto: Surpise.
[holding corn in both hands]
Nacho: Get that corn outta my face!

Oh my god... there's someone at the door. There's someone at the door!

Dr. Gonzo

When the fantasy has ended/and all the children are gone/something good inside me/helps me to carry on/I ate some bugs/I ate some grass/I used my hand to wipe my tears/to kiss your mouth/I break my vows/no no no no no no way Jose/unless you want to/then we break our vows together

Nacho

I'm not listening to you. You’re crazy.

Nacho

Dr. Gonzo: Hello? Hi Lucy, God bless. Yeah it's me. What? I dont know, I taught that bastard a lesson he'll never forget. What? No, not dead. But he won't be bothering anybody for a while. Yeah, I left him out there. I stomped him. I pulled all his teeth out.
Raoul Duke: I remember thinking 'Jesus, what a terrible thing to lay on someone with a head full of acid'.
Dr. Gonzo: But we have a problem. That bastard cashed a bad cheque downstairs and gave you as a reference. They'll be looking for both of you. Yeah I know. You can't judge a book by it's cover... some people are just basically rotten. Well the last thing in the world you want to do is call this hotel again. They'll trace the call and put you straight behind bars. Yeah I'm moving to the tropicana right away... when I get a room I'll let you know which one it is... I gotta get off. They probably have this phone tapped baby... Yeah I know it's horrible but it's all over now.

[after teaching Jack how to evaluating a glass of wine prior to tasting] ... Are you chewing gum?

Miles Raymond

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