Mike Lowrey: Hello?
Marcus Burnett: We're your new neighbors.
Mike Lowrey: Don't be alarmed, we're negros.
Marcus Burnett: Naw man, naw. There's too much bass in your voice. That scares white folks. You got to sound like them.
Marcus Burnett: We were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar...?

We're the 3 best friends that anybody could have.
We're the 3 best friends that anyone could have, we're the 3 best friends that anyone can have and we'll never never ever ever ever leave each other."

Alan [singing]

Assjuice: Do you know how many bj's they promised me?
Assjuice: Infinite bj's. They promised me infinite bj's

Claudia: It must be hard to spank your monkey.
Ishmael: You have a monkey?

Chas: I've had a rough year, dad.
Royal: I know you have, Chassie.

First you take a run at La Fours with a sock full of quarters. I'd do it, but I pulled my back at humping your mom last night. Neetch. Okay, you clock him on his headpiece and knock his ass out cold. That's when phase two kicks in. I attack the structure Wolvie Berzerk style, and knock out the fuckin' pin and bickety bam, the motherfucker is rubble. Hence, no game show.

Jay

[as Simple Jack] Mama, I'll see you again tonight in my head movies. But this head movies makes my eyes rain!

Tugg Speedman

Jack: Man! That's tasty!
Miles Raymond: That's 100% pinot noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it any more.
Jack: Pinot noir?
Miles Raymond: Mmm-hmm.
Jack: Then how come it's white?
Miles Raymond: [laughs] Oh, Jesus. Don't ask questions like that up in wine country. They'll think you're some kind of dumbshit, OK?

Bean Lamonsoff: Mommy, I want some milk.
Sally Lamonsoff: Come here. I'll give you a little something.
[starts breastfeeding Bean]
Roxanne Chase-Feder: Your son is so cute. How old is he?
Eric Lamonsoff: 48 months.
Kurt McKenzie: [pause] That's 4.
Eric Lamonsoff: [pause] Yeah.

Eli: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Matt: A tripod?
Eli: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs... WE. ALL. FALL!

Ms. Perky: People perceive you as somewhat...
Kat Stratford: Tempestuous?
Ms. Perky: "Heinous bitch" is the term used most often.

Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little shit just like you.

Dean Vernon Wormer

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