Popular Comedy Quotes
Gertie: I hate you! I hate you! I wish you died, not Mommy!
Ollie: I hate you right back you little shit! You and your mom took my life away from me. I just want it back!
Bart: Sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.
Greenie: You gettin' a dog?
That was kinda sweet. I'm kinda crushin' on you right now, Trinke.Maya
"Cats" is the second worst thing that ever happened to New York City.Ollie
Ollie: Do you have any questions about what you saw?
Gertie: [thinking hard] Do you have what Brian has?
Gertie: [thinking hard] Is it as big as his?
Ollie: Sadly, yes.
George Michael is all about the ladies. "I want your sex." Does that sound like he's singing to a guy?Ollie
Okay, it's like this. My dog ate my paper. I checked, but he didn't poop it out.Boy
Try acting like a father, shithead.Bart
Gertrude Steiney: You try getting ready quickly when you look like this! I'm so fat and there's gonna be nothing but beautiful skinny girls there!
Ollie: That's because they're all coked-out whores, honey.
Gertrude Steiney: [crying] I wanna be a coked-out whore!
Maya: I do it at least twice a day.
Ollie: Good God!
As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit. You won't need much, just a tiny taste.Dr. Gonzo
Miles Finch: [pitching ideas] No tomatoes. Too vulnerable. Kids, they're already vulnerable.
Walter: See, I told you guys. I told them the same thing...
Miles Finch: And no farms. Everyone's pushing small town rural. A farm book would just be white noise.