Popular Comedy Quotes
Max Fischer: The truth is, neither one of us has the slightest idea where this relationship is going. We can't predict the future.
Rosemary Cross: We don't have a relationship.
Max Fischer: But we're friends.
Rosemary Cross: Yes, and that's all we're *going* to be. Well, yes...
Max Fischer: That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?
[during her "No Penis Intended" comedy routine after the nominations] Yes, I suppose I'll forgive him... in HELL! HA HA HA HA!Callie Webb
Donkey: So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?
Shrek: In the tower, waiting for us to rescue her.
Donkey: I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
Becca: Your cock is so smooth!
Evan: Your's would be too... if you were a man.
Joel Goodson: Porsche. There is no substitute.
Miles: Fuck you.
I'll juice ya up.Chip Douglas
Virginia: [to Shooter] Did you see that?
Shooter McGavin: Yes. Nice shot.
Virginia: He just got a Hole-in-One on a *par four* !
Shooter McGavin: I know. I just said I saw it.
Virginia: [laughs] Oh, I hope he wins. He's a publicist's dream. I mean, a guy who could drive the ball *that* far - oh, he could *really* draw a crowd.
[Virginia walks away smiling]
Shooter McGavin: [muttering] You know what *else* could draw a crowd? A golfer with an arm growing out of his ass.
God was showing off when he made you.Rabbi Jake Schram
Cecil: [while Larry is chasing Cecil] These are trained horses, Larry. They won't stop until they hear a specific word.
Larry: Oh, you mean a word like... DAKOTA!
Carol: [to Falfa] Your car is uglier than I am!
[both John and Falfa look at her oddly]
Carol: Uh... that didn't come out right.
Deb: Are they still letting you run for president?
Pedro: Yes. I don't understand... they say you're not allowed to have pinatas that look like real people, but in Mexico, we do it all the time.
Tucker: Really? Where would I have seen your work?
Pat Healy: Well, have you been to, uh well, let me see... Santiago, Chile?
Tucker: Twice last year. Which building's yours?
Pat Healy: Are you familiar with the soccer stadium?
Tucker: Did you build the Estadio Olimpico?
Pat Healy: No, just down the street the Celinto Catayente Towers. It's quite a fine example, in fact. I recommend that next time you're up that way that you drop in and take a gander at it yourself.