Popular Comedy Quotes
Edward Ferrars: I wish to check the position of the Nile. My sister tells me it is in South America.
Elinor Dashwood: No. She's quite wrong, for I believe it is in Belgium.
Edward Ferrars: You must be thinking of the Volga.
Margaret: The Volga?
Elinor Dashwood: Of course, the Volga. Which, as you know, starts in...
Edward Ferrars: Vladivostock, and ends in...
Elinor Dashwood: Wimbledon.
Edward Ferrars: Precisely. Where the coffee beans come from.
Margaret: The source of the Nile is in Abyssinia.
Now take a step back...*and fuck your own face!*Les Grossman
Dr. Lars: It's too early to know who's winning the fight: the medicine or the disease.
George Simmons: Did anybody ever tell you, you have a very scary accent?
Dr. Lars: You are a very funny man. I enjoy your movies.
George Simmons: And I enjoy all of your movies.
Dr. Lars: [surprised] Which movies?
George Simmons: The ones where you try to kill Bruce Willis.
Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.Metatron
OK... First I'll access the secret military spy satelite that is in geosynchronous orbit over the midwest. Then I'll ID the limo by the vanity plate "MR. BIGGG" and get his approximate position. Then I'll reposition the transmission dish on the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit WESTAR 4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal back into the aerosphere up to COMSAT 6, beam it back to SATCOM 2 transmitter number 137 and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Big's limo... It's almost too easy.Garth Algar
Patrick: Hey there girly... how you doin'?
Kat Stratford: Sweating like a pig actually and yourself?
Patrick: Now there's a way to get a guy's attention huh?
Kat Stratford: My mission in life but obviously I struck your fancy so you see it worked... the world makes sense again.
No, not Janey Briggs. She's got glasses. And a ponytail. Ugh, she's got paint on her overalls. What is that?Jake
Now where are we, dude? Oh. It's my house.Ted
William: I downloaded this little baby off the Net. I will know exactly how many spirits I may imbibe without affecting my judgment or my behavior.
X-Phile 2: You have every angle covered.
X-Phile 1: You know William, from this light, you somewhat resemble David Duchovny.
May your first child be a masculine child!Randal Graves
Vinny Gambini: I object to this witness being called at this time. We've been given no prior notice he'd testify. No discovery of any tests he's conducted or reports he's prepared. And as the court is aware, the defense is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify, particularly those who will give scientific evidence, so that we may properly prepare for cross-examination, as well as give the defense an opportunity to have the witness's reports reviewed by a defense expert, who might then be in a position to contradict the veracity of his conclusions.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini?
Vinny Gambini: Yes, sir?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini, that is a lucid, intelligent, well thought-out objection.
Vinny Gambini: Thank you.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Overruled.
And we do want to say to the people at home, the clit is not something to be played with.Reg Hartner