Popular Comedy Quotes
Kenny Fisher: Yo, I'm just pausin' while those two hos over there scratch it out over who gets to knock the boots with me!
Kenny Fisher: Ya know what I'm saying? Yeah!
Ritchie Koolboy: What two ho's?
DJ Sammy: I don't see no ho's yo.
[writing in diary] Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho.Veronica Sawyer
Max Fischer: The truth is, neither one of us has the slightest idea where this relationship is going. We can't predict the future.
Rosemary Cross: We don't have a relationship.
Max Fischer: But we're friends.
Rosemary Cross: Yes, and that's all we're *going* to be. Well, yes...
Max Fischer: That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?
Edward 'Eddie' Simmons: When you're making out, which do you prefer, Sinatra or Mathis?
Robert 'Boogie' Sheftell: I like Presley.
Me and Elwood are gonna make a break for it. Take $1,400 and give it to Ray's Music Exchange in Calumet City. Give the rest to the band.Jake
Kirk Lazarus: Action Jackson can't cry, that's what's going down.
Tugg Speedman: You know what Kirk, I'm ready to do the scene!
Kirk Lazarus: Now it's time to flip the script! I'm gonna have to wait till Chinese New Year for my man to cry.
[about Mitch] It seems all his best lines were yours... this is unbearable.Marie
Kate Veatch: I'm not a banker, I'm a lawyer.
Peter La Fleur: Really? What kind of law are you involved in, pretty eyes?
Kate Veatch: Sexual harassment, mostly.
David: I dated this girl for four months, and it was the best thing in my life! Until she went down on this guy in... an Escalade, I think.
Andy Stitzer: Where is she now?
David: Oh she's dating some pot dealer which is a stupid horrible decision, but hey - that's her journey. If she wants to be a fucking immature bitch and blow everybody...
[Gets flustered, but calms down]
David: But that's love, man.
Charles: Tom, are you the richest man in England?
Tom: Oh, no. We're... like, seventh.
Pins and needles!Pigman
Jack: Speak for yourself. I get chicks lookin' at me all the time. All ages. Dudes too.
Miles Raymond: Well, it's not worth it. You pay too big a price. It's never free.
Jack: You need to get laid, Miles. You know what? That's going to be my best man gift to you this week. I'm gonna get you laid.
Miles Raymond: Wonderful.
Jack: I'm not gonna get you a gift certificate or a pen knife or any of that other horse shit.
Miles Raymond: I'd rather have a knife.