Popular Comedy Quotes
Fritz: Look, honey, Italian food!
Petunia: I WANTED A SLOPPY JOE!
Can Marion be a boy's name?Bowler Hat Guy
Look at our current situation with that camel fucker over in Iraq. Pacifism is not something to hide behind.Walter Sobchak
John Beckwith: I have a better idea. Throw an interception to Claire, get her feeling good about herself. You think you can do that?
Jeremy Grey: John, I was first team All-State. I can put the ball anywhere I want to. I'll make it rain out here.
All right, Lewis, knock em' dead. That was a figure of speech. Please don't kill anyone.Mr. Willerstein
Mildred: Poor Mr. Herrington.
Lewis: I KILLED HIM?
...I'm Sorry Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.Mr. Garrison
Satan: Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
Saddam Hussein: I love you.
Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else?
Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?
Terrence: You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip!
Phillip: Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker?
Terrence: Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
Phillip: Oh yeah!
Michael Newman: Aunt Peggy, is that you? God, you got old.
[Peggy flicks her chin and gives him the arm, to the crowd]
Michael Newman: I'm just playing, she knows that.
Michael Newman: You've gotta show me how you do the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy!
Ted: A good magician never reveals his secrets... however, if you invite us over for dinner more often...
Michael Newman: You can come over tomorrow night and the next night and the next night and whenever you want!