Popular Comedy Quotes
Brian Dennehy: Did someone say my name?
Stan: Who are you?
Brian Dennehy: I'm Brian Dennehy.
Kyle: What? No, not fuckin' Brian Dennehy!
Stan: Get the fuck out of here!
Brian Dennehy: Oh. Bye.
Billy Baldwin: [answers the phone] Baldwin residence. No, this is Billy Baldwin. If you want Daniel Baldwin call his extension, stupid!
[hangs up the phone]
Billy Baldwin: Hey Alec, you know what sucks about being a Baldwin?
Alec Baldwin: No, what?
Billy Baldwin: Nothing!
That's right, Dude, they peed on your fucking rug.Walter Sobchak
Cartman: Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Kyle: No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat ass!
See, it doesn't hurt anyone! Fuck, fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck.Cartman
Jeremy Grey: Oh, that's great? Why don't you feed me to the lions? Step on my head when I am drowning.
John Beckwith: What?
Jeremy Grey: What do you mean what? What a great friend. John, you have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. There's no overtime.
John Beckwith: No overtime. Yeah, well what about the Chang wedding three years ago. 2am, you drag me to watch you and some chick play Mah-Jongg with her grandmother? In a retirement home.
Jeremy Grey: Completely different situation. She was a very family-oriented girl.
John Beckwith: Yeah.
Jeremy Grey: That was my first Asian!
Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!Napoleon Dynamite
This is worse than the time when I fell asleep and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture.Terrence
[singing] The sun is shining and the grass is green. / Under the three feet of snow, I mean.Stan
That movie has warped my fragile little mind.Cartman
Oh, Ron, there are literally thousands of men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.Veronica Corningstone
Deb: Are they still letting you run for president?
Pedro: Yes. I don't understand... they say you're not allowed to have pinatas that look like real people, but in Mexico, we do it all the time.