Popular Comedy Quotes
I feel like the nerd at the sleep-over that fell asleep at nine.Red
Nacho: I'm not listening to you! You only believe in Science. That's probably why we never win!
Esqueleto: We never win because you are fat!
Dr. Peter Venkman: As a friend, I have to tell ya you've finally gone around the bend on this ghost business. You guys have been running your ass off, meetin' and greetin' every schizo in the five boroughs who says he has a paranormal experience. What have you seen?
Dr Ray Stantz: Of course you forget, Peter. I was present at an undersea unexplained mass sponge migration.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, Ray, the sponges "migrated" about a foot and a half.
[subtitled] Urkin, not too much raping... Humans only!Borat
Raoul Duke: We are all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled that 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously... All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create... a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody... or at least some force - is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.
They're going to blow that place sky high. It'll be a tragedy. Unless it's during a dance number.Frank Drebin
Father Brian Finn: You're a Sikh, Catholic Muslim with Jewish in-laws?
Indian Bartender: Yes. Yes. It gets very complicated. I'm reading Dianetics.
Father Brian Finn: Don't blame you.
Carl Showalter: Alright Jerry, you got the phone to yourself?
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, yeah.
Carl Showalter: You know who this is?
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, yeah, I got an idea. How's that Sierra working out for ya?
Carl Showalter: Circumstances have changed, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, what do ya mean?
Carl Showalter: Thing have changed, circumstances Jerry, beyond the uh acts of god.
Jerry Lundegaard: How's Jean?
Carl Showalter: Who's Jean?
Jerry Lundegaard: My wife! What the?
Carl Showalter: Oh she's alright, but there's a few people in Brainerd who aren't so ok I'll tell you that.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck are ya talking about? Let's just finish this deal up here.
Carl Showalter: Blood has been Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck do ya mean?
Carl Showalter: Three people, in Brainerd.
Jerry Lundegaard: Oh jeez.
Carl Showalter: That's right we need more money.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck are ya talking about? What do you fellas have yourself mixed up in?
Carl Showalter: We need more money...
Jerry Lundegaard: [interrupting] This was supposed to be a no rough stuff type deal!
Carl Showalter: [angry] DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME JERRY, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Jerry Lundegaard: Well I'm sorry but I just- I don't
Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna debate you Jerry! I'm not gonna debate! We now want the entire 80,00!
Jerry Lundegaard: Oh for christ's sake here!
Tommy: [in front of fan] La-la-la-loo-loo... Luuuke... Luuuke! I am your fah-ther! La-la-lay-lu...
Richard Hayden: Oh, I've interrupted happy time! Now I know you want to sit there and keep being not slim, but we gotta work a little today.
Tommy: That was from Star Wars.
Richard Hayden: I know.
Maybe there won't be marriage, maybe there won't be sex, but by God there'll be dancing!George Downes
Elle: Ughhh. All day long I felt like white open-toed shoes after Labor Day.
Sid: I hate that feeling, whatever that means.
Fuck off, Death!Borat