Popular Comedy Quotes
Ash: [the boys are breaking into Mrs. Bean's kitchen; Ash addresses Kris] You should probably put your bandit hat on now. Personally, I- I don't have one, but I modified this tube sock.
Kristofferson: You look good.
Ash: Yeah, I do.
Statler: I always dreamed we'd be back here.
Waldorf: Dreams? Those where nightmares!
Father Brian Finn: I keep thinking about what you said in seminary, that the life of a priest is hard and if you can see yourself being happy doing anything else you should do that.
Father Havel: That was my recruitment pitch, which is not bad when you're starting out because it makes you feel like a marine. The truth is you can never tell yourself there is only one thing you could be. If you are a priest or if you marry a woman it's the same challenge. You cannot make a real commitment unless you accept that it's a choice that you keep making again and again and again.
The castle beckons, I think Tom.Gareth
Mr. Burke: Now, when I say "Romeo and Juliet," who comes to mind?
Dana: Claire Danes?
Mr. Burke: That's right, Claire Danes. Who else?
Chad: Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mr. Burke: Right. Who else? Well, you know someone else was involved in that movie who in some ways is as famous as Leonardo Di Caprio. And his name is William Shakespeare. And some great movies have been made based on his plays: Hamlet, West Side Story, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Waterworld, Gladiator, Chocolat...
They're going to blow that place sky high. It'll be a tragedy. Unless it's during a dance number.Frank Drebin
Costa: We'll have a whole day to fix this place up like new.
Thomas: What about this? (points to the camera) What if my parents see it?
Costa: Nobody's going to see this but us, I promise.
Jimmy Kimmel (on his show): So you know, this high school party in Pasadena -- have you seen the footage?
Look man, Your can listen to Jimi but you can't hear him. There's a difference man. Just because your listening to him doesn't mean you're hearing him.Sidney Deane
Alex: I wanna prove to my dad that I'm a *real* lion.
Marty: As opposed to what, a *chocolate* lion?
Lawrence Jamieson: Do you ever have a single thought that originates from above the waist?
Freddy Benson: No!
Well, Joel, you've done a lot of solid work here, but it's just not Ivy League, now is it?Rutherford
It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time, I never would've seen her. But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High to set eyes on Amanda Beckett. It was her first day at school. Then, I'm sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart - the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?Preston