I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding Vag.

Seth

Twinkie. Don't need it. You don't need it, man. You do need a Yodel, though. Good job.

Michael Newman

You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy.

Seth

I'm sorry that I blocked your cock...

Officer Slater

Jules: You scratch our back and we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well, the funny thing about my back, is that it's located on my cock.

There is a very good reason for why my fake I.D. says I'm 25 and not 21. Everyday hundreds of kids go to the liquor store with fake I.D.s that say they're 21. Just how many 21-year-olds are there in this town? It's called strategy.

Fogell

Calm down, calm down. She likes you. She wants to suck on your penis. That's a good thing.

Evan

Dude! That means that by some fate we were paired together and she thought of me. Thought of me enough to want me to be responsible for the entire funness of her party! She wants to fuck me! She wants my dick in and around her mouth!

Seth

Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern.
Evan: I didn't realize that.

Fogell: What's it like to have a gun?
Officer Michaels: It's like having two cocks. If one of your cocks could kill someone.

Trudy: Hey, Micheal. Micheal, who are you talking to?
Michael Newman: Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma. Take it easy.
Trudy: Oh, yeah? Well, tell him to get a life. You got family here. You're busy. Come on.
Michael Newman: My mother says hello.

Miles Raymond: Did you read the latest draft, by the way?
Jack: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Miles Raymond: And?
Jack: It's great. I mean there are so many improvements. It's much tighter, just seems... I don't know, more congealed or something.
Miles Raymond: Mm-hmm. What about the new ending? Did you like that?
Jack: Oh, yeah. New ending vastly superior to the old ending.
Miles Raymond: There is no new ending. Page 750 on is exactly the same.
Jack: [pause] Well... maybe it just seemed new because everything leading up to it was so different?
Miles Raymond: [sarcastically] Yeah, that must be it!

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