Look out! They got a piano!


Ned: Phil, this is the best day of my life.
Phil: Mine too.
Rita: Mine too.
Ned: Where are we going?
Rita: Oh, let's not spoil it!

Jerry Lundegaard: I told ya. We haven't had any vehicles go missing.
Marge Gunderson: Okay! But are ya sure? 'Cause I mean, how do you know? Do you do a count, or what kind of a routine do you have here?
Jerry Lundegaard: [uncomfortable] Ma'am, I answered your question!
Marge Gunderson: [pause] I'm sorry, sir?
Jerry Lundegaard: Ma'am, I answered your question. I answered the darned... I'm cooperatin' here!
Marge Gunderson: Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me, I'm just doing my job here.
Jerry Lundegaard: I'm... not arguing here! I'm cooperating. So there's no need to... we're doin' all we can here.
Marge Gunderson: Sir, could I talk to Mr. Gustafson?

[after the Fouchet thug tries to shoot the gun nothing happens and Marcus slams him into a urinal] Next time, learn to work the safety with your punk-ass.

Marcus Burnett

Kumar: Man, I blew it. I blew it, man.
Anthony: Kumar, what were you doing in the freezer?
Kumar: I don't know, man, I lose my touch, man.
Dignan: Did you ever have a touch to lose, man?

[sees children crossing a river] Look at these assholes!


When I was young and successful, I was greedy and foolish, and now I'm left with no one. Wrinkled and alone.

Billy Mack

I live in your phone!

Ben Stone

When the fantasy has ended/and all the children are gone/something good inside me/helps me to carry on/I ate some bugs/I ate some grass/I used my hand to wipe my tears/to kiss your mouth/I break my vows/no no no no no no way Jose/unless you want to/then we break our vows together


Bob Wilton: So what you're saying is that... you, are a uh... psychic spy?
Lyn Cassady: A Jedi warrior.

Put me in your pocket, Mike.

Tracy Lord

Goldstein: Sorry, kids. We ain't goin' nowhere. We're watching 'The Gift'. Supposedly Katie Holmes shows her titties in this movie.
Harold: Is that all you Jews ever think about? Tits?
Rosenberg: Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl... and I'm gonna see her boobs.
Goldstein: The things I would eat out of her ass! You have no idea!
Rosenberg: Ugh! That is a completely vulgar statement.
Goldstein: So is, "I wanna bang Britney Spears on the bathroom floor," but it's true.
Rosenberg: Touche.

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