Popular Comedy Quotes
I want a world where Frank junior and all the Frank juniors can sit under a shady tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-11 without an interpreter.Lt. Frank Drebin
And now people. And now people. When I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound. I said when I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound. What I heard was the jingle-jangle of a thousand lost souls, departed from this life.Reverend Cleophus James
Fuck off, Death!Borat
Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.Dan Burns
Nick Naylor: Now what we need is a smoking role model. A real winner.
Jeff Megall: Indiana Jones meets Jerry Maguire.
Nick Naylor: Right, on two packs a day.
Prince Edward: Fear not, Giselle! I will rescue you!
Pip in Andalasia: Yeah, but who's gonna rescue MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?
Dr. Evil: [deep voice] Austin, I'm your father.
Dr. Evil: No, not really. I can't back that up.
Austin: Right. Idiot, yes.
Taggart: Break's over, boys. Don't just lay there gettin' a suntan, ain't gonna do you no good anyhow. Now take this shovel and put it to some good use.
[Bart grabs a shovel and advances on Taggart from behind]
Charlie: Don't do it, Bart.
Bart: Uh-uh, baby, I have to.
Taggart: [to Lyle] Now send a wire to the main office and tell them that I said
[Bart whacks him]
Lyle: Send wire, main office, tell them I said ow, gotcha.
Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?Crash Davis
I remember the staff at our public school. You know, we had a saying, uh, that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym. And, uh, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school.Alvy Singer
Jeffy just doesn't know what's happening to his body...Steve Barker
Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted, why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Go on, I'm listening.
Tommy: Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to fell all warm and toasty inside.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Tommy: 'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?