Popular Comedy Quotes
Holden: Oh my God. Who are you, Larry fucking Flynt? What are you going to do with all of those?
Banky Edwards: Read the articles. What do you think I'm going to do with them? They're stroke books, stupid!
Holden: You've got like 30 books there! We're only going to be gone for two days!
Banky Edwards: Variety's the spice of life. I like a wide selection. Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close-ups, sometimes I like them arty and air-brushed. Sometimes it's a spread brown-eye kind of night, sometimes it's girl-on-girl time. Sometimes a steamy letter will do it, sometimes ... not often, but sometimes ... I like the idea of a chick with a horse.
Jack Wyatt: How would you like to be on a television show?
Isabel Bigelow: An actress?
Jack Wyatt: Yeah, if *I* can act, *you* can act.
Book Soup Cafe Waitress: Amen.
Jack Wyatt: [to girl] You know what? I think those people over there just finished their plate of *hummus*.
I've seen the way women look at you, even though they know you're a priest - especially when they know actually.Anna Riley
Arnold: A winner is someone who doesn't knock me off my surfboard. Especially Tank, he's definitely not a winner.
Smudge: He's a dirty trash can full of poop.
Lester Bangs: You like Lou Reed?
William Miller: The early stuff. In his new stuff he's trying to be Bowie, but he should just be himself.
Do you know what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?Craig Schwartz
King Jaffe Joffer: Semmi, you have disgraced yourself, and you must be punished. Confine yourself to our royal suite at the Waldorf-Astoria.
King Jaffe Joffer: And see that he puts on some decent attire.
[to the rose bearers]
King Jaffe Joffer: And I want you to bathe him thoroughly.
Semmi: Oh, thank you, Your Majesty.
Drillbit Taylor: So what'd you do to provoke him?
Wade: Well he's fat, he's a dork, and I'm awesome.
Alex: I wanna prove to my dad that I'm a *real* lion.
Marty: As opposed to what, a *chocolate* lion?
Statler: I always dreamed we'd be back here.
Waldorf: Dreams? Those where nightmares!
Randal Graves: All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."
Hobbit Lover: Oh, Star Wars geek.
Randal Graves: Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses.
Elias: You'll have to excuse him, he's not "down" with the trilogy.
Randal Graves: Oh, what the fuck happened to this world? There's only one trilogy, you fucking morons.
Stu Price: If anything, we should get a reward.
Alan Garner: Yeah... a reward, or a trophy!