Popular Comedy Quotes
Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.Metatron
Reuben Feffer: What did you do to her? Did you mess around with her oxygen tanks or something?
Claude: I did nothing, Luban.
Reuben Feffer: My name is not Luban! It is Reuben!
Claude: Look, look we had a scuba, we drink some white wine, we talk about life and we cannot help it. It is like love at first sight. She make like the fire in my trouser.
OK... First I'll access the secret military spy satelite that is in geosynchronous orbit over the midwest. Then I'll ID the limo by the vanity plate "MR. BIGGG" and get his approximate position. Then I'll reposition the transmission dish on the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit WESTAR 4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal back into the aerosphere up to COMSAT 6, beam it back to SATCOM 2 transmitter number 137 and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Big's limo... It's almost too easy.Garth Algar
Patrick: Hey there girly... how you doin'?
Kat Stratford: Sweating like a pig actually and yourself?
Patrick: Now there's a way to get a guy's attention huh?
Kat Stratford: My mission in life but obviously I struck your fancy so you see it worked... the world makes sense again.
Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating what should be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus.Bartleby
I'm assuming you all have guns and crack!Officer Michaels
The Thinker: I'm thinkin'...
Larry Daley: This is hopeless.
[to Charlie] Ever heard of parents? We have parents who love us. You don't, 'cause you're an orphanRoy
Hey, you wanna go feed that donkey some beer? Get it all messed up?Frank
JB: Do not make a sound unless it's a masterpiece. Not a fuckin' sound.
KG: [farts] Thought I felt something.
JB: Let's hear that back.
General Aladeen: Oh it's a girl. I'm so sorry. Where's the trashcan?
Pregnant Woman: Oh no we want it!
Steve Bolander: I thought, maybe before I leave, we could agree that... that seeing other people while I'm away can't possibly hurt, you know.
Laurie Henderson: You mean dating other people?
Steve Bolander: I think it would strengthen our relationship. Then we'd know for sure that we're really in love. Not that there's any doubt.