Popular Comedy Quotes
Marcus Burnett: Hey man where-where-where's your cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: I don't have one.
Marcus Burnett: What the f- w'you mean you don't have one? Eighty thousand dollars for this car and you ain't got no damn cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: It's $105,000 and this happens to be one of the fastest production cars on the planet. Zero to sixty in four seconds, sweetie. It's a limited edition.
Marcus Burnett: You damn right it's limited. No cup holder, no back seat. Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls just draggin' the fuck along.
Westley: We are men of action, lies do not become us.
Count Rugen: Well spoken, sir.
Count Rugen: What is it?
Westley: You have six fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for-
Count Rugen: [knocks him out]
You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill... on weed? Oh, there's some crazy shit, man. There's a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno! RED TEAM GO, RED TEAM GO.Enhancement Smoker
Mya: I don't go out with guys who don't open the door for me.
Mya: Yes. (as Zeke drives off, quickly and then, after a moment, drives back to the curb where she's standing) No he didn't...
[Frank offers Tanya a cigarette]
Frank Drebin: Cigarette?
Tanya Peters: Yes, I know.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
Ed Hocken: You sure know your boxing.
Lt. Frank Drebin: All I know is never bet on the white guy.
[Nordberg nods in agreement]
Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and than I smell them like this!Mary Katherine Gallagher
Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet...
The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.
The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.
Carol: You're a regular J.D.
John Milner: File that under uh, C.S. over there.
[hands her the ticket Holstein just issued him]
Carol: C.S.? What's that stand for?
John Milner: Chicken shit - that's what it is.
[puts the ticket in the glove compartment which is full of similar tickets]
Food is fuel. You get picky about what you put in the tank, your engine is gonna die. Now shut up and eat your garbage.Django
Captain O'Hagan: I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next guy who says, "Shenanigans."
Mac: Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?
Farva: You mean Shenanigans?
Todd Flanders: I wish Homer was my father.
Ned Flanders: ...and I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.