Dr. Gonzo: [Holding key] Where did this one come from?
Raoul Duke: That's Lacerda's.
Dr. Gonzo: Yeah, yeah I thought we might need it.
Raoul Duke: What for?
Dr. Gonzo: What for? So we can go up there and blast him out of bed with the firehose, man!

Don't be a fool and wrap your tool.

Van Wilder

Crazy kids with their crazy VDs.

Van Wilder

But the children love the books!

Nun

I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's.

Van Wilder

Ty Webb: You take drugs, Danny?
Danny Noonan: Every day.
Ty Webb: Good. Then what's your problem?
Danny Noonan: I don't know.

Van Wilder: Whoa, trick or treat. What's going on?
Richard: This vaginal discharge won't let us partake in the party.
Van Wilder: Graphic.

You shouldn't take life to seriously. You'll never get out alive.

Van Wilder

if you're always thinking about the future, then you kinda forget about the present.

Van Wilder

Van Wilder: Blue - it brings out your eyes. The kid has killer eyes, not unlike yourself - anyone ever tell you that?
Gwen: Yes, my boyfriend.
Van Wilder: Your boyfriend? What's his name?
Gwen: I don't think that's any of your business.
Van Wilder: [Puts on sunglasses and turns away] You're right

My attorney had never been able to accept the notation, often espoused by former drug abusers, that you can get a lot higher without drugs than with them, and neither have I for that matter.

Raoul Duke

Wine Colored Tuxedo: I said there are no seats left sir, at any price.
Dr. Gonzo: Fuck seats! We're friends of Debbie's. I used to romp with her.

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