Gwen: I'm doing a human interest piece... on you.
Van Wilder: I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me.
[looks up at the ceiling and sighs]
Van Wilder: ... But sadly I don't do interviews, never have, never will. Do lunch though.

Richard: Mr. Wilder here is quite the collegian. He's in his, what? sixth year?
Van Wilder: Actually, its lucky number seven.

Gwen: Well I think it takes a lot more then the kind of underwear one wears to define them as a person.
[Van looks shocked]
Van Wilder: Like what?

Well, you haven't lived until you've shot-putted blitzed on Jager!"

Van Wilder

Walter: [whispering] I think we should call security.
Deb: [whispering] Good idea.
Buddy: [whispering] I like to whisper too!

Gwen, good of you to come. Now take off your clothes. It is the naked mile run.

Van Wilder

Is that all you people think about? Getting fucked up?

Taj

Is that all you people think about? Now, I admit I applied for this job because I wanted to cut loose and shake my romp, but I belive that this dilema cannot be solved by partying.

Taj

You have shown me a live I could only dream about back home by masturbating in my father's woodshed.

Taj

All this time I thought I was more to you than a flaccid story.

Van Wilder

How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?

Raoul Duke

Dr. Gonzo: [Holding key] Where did this one come from?
Raoul Duke: That's Lacerda's.
Dr. Gonzo: Yeah, yeah I thought we might need it.
Raoul Duke: What for?
Dr. Gonzo: What for? So we can go up there and blast him out of bed with the firehose, man!

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