[narrating] Walt Whitman once said, "I see great things in baseball. It's our game, the American game. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us." You could look it up.

Annie Savoy

Do you have life insurance, Phil? Because if you do, you could always use a little more, I mean, who couldn't? But let me tell something - I got's a feeling you ain't got any. Am I right or am I right or am I right?


Son of a bitch ball. Why can't you go home? Aren't you good enough for your home? ANSWER ME! Suck my white ass ball!

Happy Gilmore

Dewey Cox: [singing] In my dreams, you're blowing me... some kisses.
Darlene: [singing] That's one of my favorite things to do.

[Tossing drug-laced dog treats into Mary's apartment]
Pat Healy: Wait... how many is this?
Norm: Umm... four.
Pat Healy: Four? That seems like an aweful lot of speed to give one little pooch. Are you sure it won't kill him?
Norm: I never said that.
Pat Healy: ... eh.

[subtitled] Urkin, not too much raping... Humans only!


We need somewhere to put our black asses, nigger.


Frank: Can I get you anything from inside?
Grandpa: Yeah, get me some porn. And get some real nasty stuff, none of that airbrushed shit. And here, get something for yourself. Get yourself a fag rag.

HEY! How ya doin? I'm Jules' fiance! Just stopped by for a little conjugal visit!

George Downes

I feel like the nerd at the sleep-over that fell asleep at nine.


Celebrities beat cancer all the time. Lance Armstrong, he keeps getting it.


You may have seen a meteor shower, but I bet you've never seen a shower "meatier" than this.

Sam Sparks

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