Put some Windex.

Gus Portokalos

Jules: You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well, funny thing about my back, is it's located on my cock.

Riva: Look, if you bought Stones tickets and Jagger didn't play Satisfaction, how would you feel? Would you be happy?
Carl Casper: No.
Riva: No! You'd burn the place to the fucking ground.

[after Rosemary's weight crushed a chair]
Hal: Jesus Christ! What the hell's wrong with this chair? What's this shit made out of, anyway?
Restaurant Manager: Uhh... Steel.

Bore someone else with your questions.

Miranda Priestly

George Simmons: I'm surprised nothing happened with you and that girl.
Ira Wright: She told me she had a boyfriend.
George Simmons: She told me the same thing, when she was sucking my cock.

Gus Portokalos: Kimono, kimono, kimono. Ha! Of course! Kimono is come from the Greek word himona, is mean winter. So, what do you wear in the wintertime to stay warm? A robe. You see: robe, kimono. There you go!

American girls would seriously dig me with my cute British accent.

Colin

I remember the staff at our public school. You know, we had a saying, uh, that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym. And, uh, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school.

Alvy Singer

[to Tallahasse] Are you some type of cock blocking robot developed in some secret fucking government lab?

Columbus

Cher: Been shopping with Dr. Suess?
Dionne: Well at least I wouldn't skin a collie to make my back pack.
Cher: It's faux.

Oh, never mind. I'm sure you have plenty more poly-blend where that came from.

Nigel

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