Melissa: You know what? I'm not even going to talk to you. Would you please leave.
Ace Ventura: Why? So you can beat him?
[talking about Melissa's dog]
Ace Ventura: Fatty.
Melissa: You're unbelievable. Hiring you was the biggest mistake I ever made.
Ace Ventura: Well, why don't you cry about it. Saddlebags.

Holy shitballs.

Ace Ventura

For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!

Ace Ventura

Feng: "Ping pong or how the Chinese say: ping pong

Don't be so hard on yourself, you got mad skills.

Randy Daytona

Puffin: Hey Buddy wanna pick some snowberries?
Buddy: Not now Arctic Puffin!

Who the hell said take the cricket from my hand?

Master Wong

Don't fuck with me now, man, I am Ahab.

Raoul Duke

Randy Daytona: You got me swatting flies now?
Master Wong: Not hit flies. You hit bees!

You are the greatest player I have ever seen. Besides my self, practicing in front of a mirror... which I do... everyday... in the nude.

Karl Wolfschtagg

Santa: That's another thing... Buddy you should know that your father... he's on the naughty list.
Buddy: Nooooo!

Raoul Duke: Yeah. Hi there! My name... is, uh, Raoul Duke. I'm on the list, that's for sure. Here to cover the race. I have my attorney... with me, and I realize that his name is not on that list, but we must have that suite! What's the score here? What's next?
Frog-Eyed Woman: Your suite isn't ready yet. But someone was looking for you...

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