Popular Comedy Quotes
Melissa: You know what? I'm not even going to talk to you. Would you please leave.
Ace Ventura: Why? So you can beat him?
[talking about Melissa's dog]
Ace Ventura: Fatty.
Melissa: You're unbelievable. Hiring you was the biggest mistake I ever made.
Ace Ventura: Well, why don't you cry about it. Saddlebags.
Holy shitballs.Ace Ventura
For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!Ace Ventura
Feng: "Ping pong or how the Chinese say: ping pong
Don't be so hard on yourself, you got mad skills.Randy Daytona
Randy Daytona: You killed him...
Feng: Well duh, what part of sudden death didn't you understand?
Who the hell said take the cricket from my hand?Master Wong
Mmmm... tastes good!The Hammer
Randy Daytona: You got me swatting flies now?
Master Wong: Not hit flies. You hit bees!
You are the greatest player I have ever seen. Besides my self, practicing in front of a mirror... which I do... everyday... in the nude.Karl Wolfschtagg
I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.Ty Webb
[scene after the dog humps toy duck] I have to sew the duck's head back on... and fix his butthole.Donna Newman