Popular Comedy Quotes
All right right, whaddya need? Bottle rockets, dental dams, Redi Wips, term papers?Droz
Old Woman: Excuse me, but can you blow me where the pampers is?
Old Woman: Can you blow me where the pampers is?
Old Woman: Can you show me where the campus is?
Jack: Speak for yourself. I get chicks lookin' at me all the time. All ages. Dudes too.
Miles Raymond: Well, it's not worth it. You pay too big a price. It's never free.
Jack: You need to get laid, Miles. You know what? That's going to be my best man gift to you this week. I'm gonna get you laid.
Miles Raymond: Wonderful.
Jack: I'm not gonna get you a gift certificate or a pen knife or any of that other horse shit.
Miles Raymond: I'd rather have a knife.
Please have a party! Feed us drinks!Droz
Get us laid! Ahhhhhhhhh!Droz
Rand: I scheme and plan for MONTHS and it gets screwed up because YOU can't control the students! NEVER send a woman to do a man's job!
President Garcia-Thompson: You cocky, pointy-nosed little Reaganite! If you hadn't provoked them, we wouldn't BE in this mess!
Rand: Whoa! Reality check here! Earth to TALL BITCH! What is your fault? THIS IS!
Morty: [while Michael is about to call him] Yes?
Michael Newman: [jumps back and lands on the table] You scared the...
Donna Newman: Honey, what's going on down there?
Michael Newman: I, uh, it was a mouse! It's dead, I killed it, it just broke the table first.
Hey monkeys, how about a little respect. The presiding person of the university just walked in.Droz
We need kegs. Multiple, cold and domestic.Droz
Michael Newman: [trying to convince him to let the project be procrastinated so he can go camping] Three days? Couldn't I have a little more time for this project?
Ammer: Michael, our clients are Japanese. They can't wait for their fish to cook.
Jack: Are you still seeing that shrink?
Miles Raymond: I saw him on Monday. I spent most of the time helping him with his computer.
Jack: Well, I say, fuck therapy. And what is that stuff you take... Xanax?
Miles Raymond: And Lexapro, yes.
Jack: Well, I say, fuck that too. You need to get your joint worked on, Miles.