Popular Comedy Quotes
I have a weakness for prostitutes apparently, all kinds.Stu
Veronica Sawyer: That knife is filthy.
J.D.: What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?
Veronica Sawyer: Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.
People always live forever when there is an annuity to be paid them.Fanny
[Monkey slaps Larry on the head, Larry retaliates] Lawrence, who's evolved?Teddy Roosevelt
Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.Alvy Singer
Harry: Yeah, well, I don't know. These places just don't do it for me.
Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
Harry: No, it was a girl.
We must become invisible, travel silently, for there are forces that would seek to destroy us.Horton
We need to find the point in time that things went wrong and fix it.Jacob
If you ain't first, you're last.Ricky Bobby
Stephanie: You're a virgin?
Luke Shapiro: No. Naw. I just haven't officially had sex yet.
If I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I'm guessing it looks, probably like a sea monkey right now, and I should let it get a little cuter.Juno MacGuff
Jimmy: THAT was disgusting.
Chazz: THAT, young man, is how babies are made.