If you ain't first, you're last.

Ricky Bobby

Stephanie: You're a virgin?
Luke Shapiro: No. Naw. I just haven't officially had sex yet.

Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
Captain of Guards: Five schillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

First I lost my monkey, and now my hat. Could this day get any worse?


Michael: Just don't want a relationship based on lies...
Cedric: That's marriage.

She's 17. I'm 42 and she's 17. I'm older than her father, can you believe that? I'm dating a girl, wherein, I can beat up her father.

Isaac Davis

Fuck off, Death!


Barry: Rob, top five musical crimes perpetuated by Stevie Wonder in the '80s and '90s. Go. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away?

Lee: These men are Triads. The most deadly gang in China.
James Carter: You think they scare me? I'm from Los Angeles, man. We invented gangs!

Patty Bernstein: [provocatively] You know what I wanna do?
Navin Johnson: What's that?
Patty Bernstein: Guess your weight. [starts squeezing on him everywhere]
Navin Johnson: Hey, you're really trying to be accurate!

Holy shit, it's a cool Winnebago.


And now people. And now people. When I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound. I said when I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound. What I heard was the jingle-jangle of a thousand lost souls, departed from this life.

Reverend Cleophus James

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