Popular Comedy Quotes
[to Yuri] An Uzi? I'm not from South Central Los fucking Angeles. I didn't come here to shoot twenty black ten year olds in a fucking drive-by. I want a normal gun for a normal person.Harry
Cellmate: ...and when there was no meat... we ate fowl... and when there was no fowl, we ate crawdad... and when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate sand.
H.I.: You ate what?
Cellmate: We ate sand.
H.I.: You ate SAND?
Cellmate: That's right.
Simone: I know you're right, Pee-wee, but...
Pee-wee: But what? Everyone I know has a big "But...? C'mon, Simone, let's talk about *your* big "But".
I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.Jane
[talking to Deacon] I know you don't want to go to jail in Mexico because nobody wants to go to jail in Mexico. They put all kinds of burritos in your ass.Miles Logan
Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Frank: No, the worst.
Listen up, you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you.Michelle
Those of us that had been up all night were in no mood for coffee and donuts, we wanted strong drink. We were, after all, the absolute cream of the national sporting press.Raoul Duke
Donna Newman: Will you still love me in the morning?
Michael Newman: Forever and ever, babe
Stef: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop! You can't do this.
Stef: Because these are somebody else's wishes. They're somebody else's dreams.
Mouth: Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here. This was my dream, my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back.
You like my erection selection?George (to the mirror)
[rapping] You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper.Grim Reaper