Popular Comedy Quotes
[after he spills water on his pants] Damn, she's gonna think I got that premature evacuation!Kenny Fisher
Be her Daddy!Steve Stifler
[to his pet chimpanzee] I've had it with all this crap! All you care about is fruit and touching yourself. Well, fuck you!Dewey Cox
Bender: [to himself] Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says...
[the ceiling gives way]
Bender: Oh, shit!
Marlin: I can't afford any more delays and you're one of those fish that causes delays. Sometimes it's a good thing. There's a whole group of fish. They're delay fish.
Dory: You mean... You mean you don't like me?
Marlin: No, of course I like you. It's because I like you I don't want to be with you. It's a complicated emotion.
[scolding Billy in the hallway] Making fun of a kid for trying to read! Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?Veronica Vaughn
No milk will ever be our milk.Veronica Vaughn
I'm in a rut, we're in a rut. Let's shape things up. I have an idea, let's get married! I don't have a ring...Danny
[to Joe] Ballerinas can jump just as high as you but when they come down they come down in plies, and then they stand pointe, and they stand like that for hours. If ballet was easy, it would be called football.Monique Vasquez
Don't hassle me about crumbs man, because I am on the edge of the edge.J-Man
Fuck off, Death!Borat
Barry: Rob, top five musical crimes perpetuated by Stevie Wonder in the '80s and '90s. Go. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away?