Audrey: Where were you?
Fletcher: Having sex.
Audrey: Well, I hope it was with someone *very* special!

Jerry: I love you!
Audrey: Thank you
Jerry: Well, that's wasn't exactly the answer I was hoping for...
Audrey: Thank you very much?

Driver: What's your problem, Schmuck!
Fletcher: I'm an inconsiderate prick!

Jerry, enjoy my wife.

Fletcher

Fletcher: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
Audrey: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.

Gretta: And your ex-wife called, she wants to know when you're coming to pick up your son.
Fletcher: Oh, I'm such a shit!

Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.

Walter Sobchak

The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant.

Fletcher

It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freak show to continue.

Judge Stevens

Because you insist on talking about Dad's bowel movements; size, color, frequency, I"LL CALL YA LATER!

Fletcher

I caught you a delicious bass.

Napoleon Dynamite

Raoul Duke: There's a uh, big machine in the sky, some kind of, I dunno, electric snake, coming straight at us.
Dr. Gonzo: Shoot it.
Raoul Duke: Not yet, I want to study its habits.

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