Popular Comedy Quotes
Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don't wear them.
A TITANIUM Express card?Mr. Fox
Ed Hocken: You might end up dead!
Frank Drebin: "You might end up dead" is my middle name.
Ed Hocken: What about Jane?
Frank Drebin: I don't know her middle name.
Holden: Oh my God. Who are you, Larry fucking Flynt? What are you going to do with all of those?
Banky Edwards: Read the articles. What do you think I'm going to do with them? They're stroke books, stupid!
Holden: You've got like 30 books there! We're only going to be gone for two days!
Banky Edwards: Variety's the spice of life. I like a wide selection. Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close-ups, sometimes I like them arty and air-brushed. Sometimes it's a spread brown-eye kind of night, sometimes it's girl-on-girl time. Sometimes a steamy letter will do it, sometimes ... not often, but sometimes ... I like the idea of a chick with a horse.
Buddy: [out of breath] Wow, you're fast. I'm glad I caught up to you. I waited 5 hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news - I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?
Michael: Go away !
One minute and five seconds; you are such my bitch.Alyssa
Jack Fuller Sr.: You're like a son to me.
Jack Fuller: Dad, I am your son.
Hammacher: We are gonna wipe our schwanz on you.
Jan Wolfhouse: Bring it on meine bitch.
You know what else can kill you? Doctors!Albert
The Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
The Donkey: Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
Shrek: That's the moon.
The Donkey: Oh, okay.
Jeffy just doesn't know what's happening to his body...Steve Barker
Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted, why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Go on, I'm listening.
Tommy: Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to fell all warm and toasty inside.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Tommy: 'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?