Popular Comedy Quotes
Ed: See? You don't need Liz to have a good time.
Shaun: Oh, don't, man.
Ed: No! Go ahead, look at me. Can I just say one more thing? I'm not gonna say, you know, there's plenty more fish in the sea. I'm not going to say if you love her, let her go. And I'm not going to bombard you with clichÃˆs. But what I will say is this?
Ed: It's not the end of the world.
Tell him you love him. Bite the bullet.George Downes
Rachel Phelps: I think he'll fit right in with our team concept.
Charlie Donovan: That reminds me, I was going to ask you. What exactly is our team concept?
Bertram Pincus: I was dead and now they brought me back. I can..I can..
Frank Herlihy: The dead have a lot of unfinished business, which is why we're still here.
Dewey Finn: Look the first thing you do when you start a band is talk about your influences. That's how you figure out what kind of band you want to be. So who do you like? Blondie?
Marta: Christina Aguilera
Dewey Finn: Who? No. Come on. What? You, Shortstop.
Leonard: Puff Daddy
Dewey Finn: Wrong. Billy?
Billy: Liza Minnelli?
Turk Malloy: I don't care if it gets messy.
Virgil Malloy: I'll drive you. We'll get him leaving his barber.
Livingston Dell: And I'll inject him.
Basher Tarr: And I'll find a spot to get rid of the body.
Rusty Ryan: All valid ideas. Great initiative. But...
Danny Ocean: But.
Max Fischer: Sic transit gloria. Glory fades. I'm Max Fischer.
Rosemary Cross: Hi.
Max Fischer: Hi.
Tommy: That was it? Come on you can do better than that, can't you Captain Limp Wrist? Try again!
[Richard punches him again]
Tommy: Hey everybody, is there a window open; I feel a draft!
[Richard punches him twice]
Tommy: If I wanted a kiss, I'd call your mother!
[Richard hits him over the face with a 2Ã—4]
Tommy: That was a good one.
Richard Hayden: Hey, Prehistoric Forest!
Mr. Bialystock, I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone with a spine.Leo Bloom
They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!Bluto
[watching the elephant seals]
Raul: I don't think they are penguin eaters, are they?
RamÃ³n: I believe they are herbivores.
RamÃ³n: You know, kelp suckers!
Joel Goodson: So is this Guido guy... he's your manager?
Lana: That's right.
Joel Goodson: Or a pimp?
Lana: Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?