Popular Comedy Quotes
Buttercup: You mock my pain.
Westley: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
[to wife] You're an inanimate fuckin' object!Harry
Anybody interested in grabbing a couple of burgers and hittin' the cemetery?Royal
Are you a pothead, Focker?Jack Byrnes
[Brodie's voice] One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrasing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.Brodie
[Asking the flight attendant] Could I get a real bottle please? I'm an alcoholic not a Barbie doll.Maggie Hoffman
Brian Johnson: Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
Andrew Clark: ... and an athlete...
Allison Reynolds: ... and a basket case...
Claire Standish: ... a princess...
John Bender: ... and a criminal...
Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
Do you even know how to drive an automatic?Dave the Bear
Dude it's gonna happen, she's a college chick.Oz
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen! [silence] No? Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub...Dr. Evil
Donkey: Man, you are a cat-tastrophe.
Puss in Boots: And you, are ri-donk-ulous.
Harry Doyle: Monty, anything to add?
Color Man: Umm... no.
Harry Doyle: He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!