Popular Comedy Quotes
Kenny Fisher: Yo, I'm just pausin' while those two hos over there scratch it out over who gets to knock the boots with me!
Kenny Fisher: Ya know what I'm saying? Yeah!
Ritchie Koolboy: What two ho's?
DJ Sammy: I don't see no ho's yo.
Preston: I can't believe you pointed at her!
Denise: Look, she didn't see me! What are you, hyperventilating?
Preston: No, I'm hiransing my chi.
Preston: I'm harnessing my chi.
That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen! What is wrong with you people?Rebecca
Yearbook Girl: So why didn't you get your picture taken?
Denise: Specifically to avoid moments like this.
Yearbook Girl: [not listening] Great, thanks!
Nobody drink the beer, the beer has gone bad!William
Dude, these brownies suck!Hippie Girl
Preston: This is officially the worst night of my entire life. Thank you very much.
Angel: Try having 40 drunk men grabbing your ass, one groom to be throwing up all over you and then have your car break down at 2 am and then you can talk to me about having a bad night, alright?
Preston: Hey, I've got one for ya. Remember that time when I was about to talk to that beautiful girl, and you came up to me and started telling me all these asinine stories? Remember that, huh?
Random Guy: No.
Preston: Gee, that's funny. Because it just happened!
Dr. Gonzo: Hello? Hi Lucy, God bless. Yeah it's me. What? I dont know, I taught that bastard a lesson he'll never forget. What? No, not dead. But he won't be bothering anybody for a while. Yeah, I left him out there. I stomped him. I pulled all his teeth out.
Raoul Duke: I remember thinking 'Jesus, what a terrible thing to lay on someone with a head full of acid'.
Dr. Gonzo: But we have a problem. That bastard cashed a bad cheque downstairs and gave you as a reference. They'll be looking for both of you. Yeah I know. You can't judge a book by it's cover... some people are just basically rotten. Well the last thing in the world you want to do is call this hotel again. They'll trace the call and put you straight behind bars. Yeah I'm moving to the tropicana right away... when I get a room I'll let you know which one it is... I gotta get off. They probably have this phone tapped baby... Yeah I know it's horrible but it's all over now.
Trip McNeely: Speaking of which, you still with that Amanda chick? She was a prize piece if I ever saw one.
Mike Dexter: [lying] Yeah, me and Amanda. Definitely. Yep.
Trip McNeely: You're lucky, bro.
Mike Dexter: I sure am.
Trip McNeely: Stay with her. It's the best advice I can give you... Oh, that, and bring rubber flip-flops in the shower. I got warts all over my feet.
[after teaching Jack how to evaluating a glass of wine prior to tasting] ... Are you chewing gum?Miles Raymond
Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [Sees judge Smalls in the same hat] Oh, it looks good on you though.Al Czervik