Popular Comedy Quotes
Michael Newman: [looking in a mirror] You look a little pale there, pal. Let me fix that.
Michael Newman: [Changes his skin color to yellow] You're all yellow from the scurvy. Arr, captain.
Michael Newman: [Changes his skin color to green] Grr... Don't get the Hulk angry. Raaaahrrr!
Michael Newman: [Changes his skin color to purple] Oh, there's Barney.
[starts to sing]
Michael Newman: I love you, you love me, the jogger has giant boobies.
It's all just... cornflakes.Morty
Jack: Do not drink too much. Do you hear me? I don't want you passing out or going to the dark side. No going to the dark side!
Miles Raymond: Okay!
Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
William: Witness Exhibit A: My 8th Grade science project - a working rain forest. Mike Dexter threw it out a third story window. It rains here no more. Witness Exhibit B: An eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film. I saw no third dimension. And of course, how could I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well gentlemen, tonight, Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night.
William: [drunk] You... have to come with me. There's this chick... there's these two chicks... they're triplets, man. You're not going to believe what they're doing. Not because I made it up or anything but because it is so... unbelievable. Come on out to the pool house, 'cause they told me to tell you... they want you to watch. So, come out... the pool house, come on...
Mike Dexter: [drunk] I'm a loser. I broke up with the hottest girl in school, my friends all sold me out... and somebody in there just called me a fag!
Yearbook Girl: Kenny Fisher, sign my yearbook.
Kenny Fisher: No, thanks. No time.
Yearbook Girl: Come on. Where's your school spirit? Go, Hot Dogs!
DJ Sammy: Bitch, get a life!
It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time, I never would've seen her. But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High to set eyes on Amanda Beckett. It was her first day at school. Then, I'm sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart - the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?Preston
Hey, you wanna go feed that donkey some beer? Get it all messed up?Frank
Gloria Cleary: I've been thinking about what you said and I think the problem is that I'm not being adventurous enough for you.
Jeremy Grey: Gloria, I think that's the complete opposite of what I was saying.
I know it's deviant... but it's kinda turning me on.Donna Newman
[kisses Michael again]
Jack: This chick Stephanie, she's got it all goin' on.
Miles Raymond: Well, she is cute, yeah.
Jack: Cute? She's a fuckin' hottie. And you almost tell her that I'm gettin' married? What's the matter with you?