You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

Ernie McCracken

[during her "No Penis Intended" comedy routine after the nominations] Yes, I suppose I'll forgive him... in HELL! HA HA HA HA!

Callie Webb

Run for the hills everybody, there's a giant shit-cloud coming.

Ishmael

Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music.

Ernie McCracken

One more time, sweetness.

Ernie McCracken

Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?

Ernie McCracken

What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger.

Landlady

Ishmael: Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I'll lose my entire bonus check because I'm so *bombed*.
McKnight Bowl Bartender: You get that way from ginger ale?
Roy: Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot.

The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn't kickin' mine.

Roy

Some corn stalks were broken and I tried to fix them.

Ishmael

Tony D'Annunzio: Another Rob Roy, Bishop?
Bishop: You never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink, because it's nobody's goddamned business how much he's had already.
Judge Smails: Wrong, you're drinking too much your Excellency.
Bishop: Excellency, fiddlesticks, my name's Fred and I'm a man, same as you.
Judge Smails: You're not a man, you're a bishop, for God's sakes.
Bishop: There is no God...

Well, I made the duck blue because I'd never seen a blue duck before and I wanted to see one.

Billy Madison

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