Popular Comedy Quotes
[in Aaron's dream] Look. I'm eating my own head.Sergio Roma
Walter Stratford: I know who you wanna bend the rules for. It's that hot-rod Joey.
Bianca: What's a hot-rod?
Yeah, well I've had my finger up my ass but I wouldn't say I've had anal sex.Holden
(Yelling at Terry Hoitz) You should have shot A-Rod!Heckler
How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can't remember where we met. I'll ask her what she looks like and then I'll ask her if we fucked. How about that? Would that be money?Mike
Kate Veatch: [outside Kate's house] White? What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?
White Goodman: It's called the Freedom of Information Act, Kate. The hippies finally got something right! Ha-ha! Just kidding. But not really.
Tommy Corn: What are you doing tomorrow?
Albert Markovski: I was thinking about chaining myself to a bulldozer. Do you want to come?
Tommy Corn: What time?
Albert Markovski: Mmm, 1, 1:30.
Tommy Corn: Sounds good. Should I bring my own chains?
Albert Markovski: We always do.
Steve Zissou: I wanted to give you a heads-up on what I thought of the piece...
Jane Winslett-Richardson: You read it. What did you think?
Steve Zissou: Well, I was a little upset at first. I mean, obviously people are going to think I'm a showboat, and a little bit of a prick. But then I thought... that's me. I said those things, I did those things. I can live with that. You're a good writer, Jane.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: It's the effing cover.
Steve Zissou: Thatta girl.
Well I'd like to continue to work for free, Mr. Flugleman.Dusty Bottoms
This is so antiseptic. It's empty. Why do you think this is funny? You're going by audience reaction? This is an audience that's raised on television, their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!Isaac Davis
Dr. Buddy Rydell: In Europe, it's not considered unusual for three or four men to share a bed.
Dave Buznik: That's why I'm proud to be an American.