Popular Comedy Quotes
What kind of rat bastard psychotic would play that song right now, at this moment?Raoul Duke
Pam Byrnes: What's the matter sweetie? Can't sleep?
Greg Focker: No, no. I was just going over my answers to the polygraph test your dad just gave me.
Dionne and I were both named after famous singers of the past, who now do infomercials.Cher
It's not that we're afraid, far from it, it's just that we've got this thing about death... It's not us!Barf
Raving psycho! Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle. I'm taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses!Mike
Alien toys: Strangers! From the outside! Ooooh!
Buzz Lightyear: Oh, not this again...
Pat Healy: What, you think yer shit don't stink?
Ted: No, I don't think, I mean, yes it does, no I don't...
We'll get him. We'll get him. Man, dont worry about that, we'll get him. And when we do, we'll blow up his car, do something. I can guarantee you that. What makes me furious is thinking about the look on Bob's fat face, thinking he pulled one over on us. I tell you another thing. If our paths cross again, you're gonna see a side of Dignan that you havent seen before. A sick, sadistic side, cause I'm furious at Bob.Dignan
Henrietta: Charles! Charles, we must talk.
Henrietta: The thing is, Charlie, l've spoken to lots of people about you. Everybody agrees you're in real trouble, Charles.
Charles: Am l?
Henrietta: You see, you're turning into a kind of serial monogamist. One girlfriend after another, yet you never really let anyone near you. On the contrary... You're affectionate to them and sweet to them. Even to me, although you thought I was an idiot.
Charles: I did not.
Henrietta: You did. I thought U2 was a type of submarine.
Charles: In a way, you were right. Their music has a naval quality.
Henrietta: Be serious, Charles. Give people a chance. You don't have to think 'I must get married', but you mustn't start relationships thinking 'I mustn't get married'.
Charles: Most of the time I don't think at all. I just potter along.
Henrietta: Charlie! Oh, God! The way you used to look at me! I just misread it, that's all. I thought you were going to propose and you were just working out how to leave.
Man, you gotta be kidding me! You gonna pull out a gun, when you looking at THIS?Ben
Umpire: You threw at him intentionally!
Rick Vaughn: Oh, kiss my ass!
Umpire: You're gone!
Rick Vaughn: You're full of shit! Fuck you!
Umpire: Get outta here, rookie!
Rick Vaughn: Oh, why don't you blow me ump?
Richie: Are we still friends?
Richie: Are we?
Eli: Of course. How can you even ask me that?
Richie: Doesn't matter.
Eli: Doesn't matter? It does matter.
Richie: I heard about you and Margot.
Eli: [long pause] I'm sorry.