Popular Comedy Quotes
Gill: Nobody touch him! Nobody touch him.
Nemo: Can you help me?
Gill: No. You got yourself in there, you can get yourself out.
Deb: Ah, Gil...
Gill: I just want to see him do it, Okay? Keep calm. Alternate wriggling your fins and your tail.
Nemo: I can't. I have a bad fin.
Gill: Never stopped me.
Umpire: You threw at him intentionally!
Rick Vaughn: Oh, kiss my ass!
Umpire: You're gone!
Rick Vaughn: You're full of shit! Fuck you!
Umpire: Get outta here, rookie!
Rick Vaughn: Oh, why don't you blow me ump?
My grandfather was in the Tuskegee experiments.Thurgood Jenkins
Magnus Buchan: [heavy Scottish brogue] Why dincha just piss off, Fischer? Ya dotty wee skid mark!
Max Fischer: Is that Latin?
Richie: Are we still friends?
Richie: Are we?
Eli: Of course. How can you even ask me that?
Richie: Doesn't matter.
Eli: Doesn't matter? It does matter.
Richie: I heard about you and Margot.
Eli: [long pause] I'm sorry.
Roy: I'm guessing by your hasty retreat, that you're still 20th in line for the throne.
Lord Rathbone: [irritated] 10th!
Roy O'Bannon: Yes, John, I've heard all about the Emperor. Must be one hell of a man.
Chon Wang: He's only twelve.
Roy O'Bannon: Are you kidding me? You're sitting here, waiting to die for someone whose balls haven't even dropped?
I don't mean to brag... but I'm the greatest!Sidney Deane
Wow, I guess you can light a fart on fire, huh?Cartman
Adam Flayman: Are you going to his funeral?
Barry B. Benson: No way. Everyone knows you sting someone, you die. You don't waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hothead.
Ned Plimpton: I'm gonna fight you, Steve.
[Steve hits Ned in the face]
Steve Zissou: You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve." You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him.
Ned Plimpton: You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.
Steve Zissou: Okay, listen, Ned. Don't you try to...
[Ned hits Steve in the face]
Steve Zissou: I think your Team Zissou ring might've caught me on the lip.
[Gil sees Justin wearing nothing but a gunbelt]
Gil: That's what you're wearing to bed? You'll catch a cold!
[Justin puts on a cowboy hat]
Gil: Karen, how about after the kids are asleep... (referring to Justin.) I wear this outfit?