Popular Comedy Quotes
Oh great! Real Bullets!
Lucky Day
Listen, honey. Let me call you right back. Miles and I are in the middle of something. No, it's nothing serious, Miles is just having one of his freak-outs. Yeah. Love you too.
Jack
Dr. Gonzo: I have to go.
Raoul Duke: Go?
Dr. Gonzo: Yes. Leave the country. Tonight.
Raoul Duke: Calm down. You'll be straight in a few hours.
Dr. Gonzo: No. This is serious. One more hour in this town and I'll kill somebody!
Dr. Gonzo: Music, man. Put that tape on.
Raoul Duke: What tape?
Dr. Gonzo: Jefferson Airplane, "White Rabbit." I need a rising sound.
Raoul Duke: You're doomed. I'm leaving here in two hours and then they're going to come up here and beat the mortal shit out of you with big saps. Right there in that fucking tub.
Yeah, right. Yup, I'm a homo. Yeah. Yeah. Just make up whatever you want and that's what happened. Okay? Write out my gay confession and I'll sign it. Okay? Just stop pushing me all the time. You're an infant, Jack. This is all a big party for you... but not for me.
Miles Raymond
Tommy: I... I left a message.
Richard Hayden: A message? What number did you call?
Tommy: Two, four, niner, five, six, seven...
Richard Hayden: I can't hear you, you're trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?
Tommy: No, it was cordless.
Richard Hayden: You know what? Don't. Not here, not now.
Tommy: Where are we gonna take the deer?
Richard Hayden: I dunno, the vet?
Tommy: You take dead animals to the vet?
Richard Hayden: Why not? I'd take you to the vet.
Tommy: Yeah I'll take you to the... Um...
Richard Hayden: Got that?
Tommy: Shut up.
Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.
Richard Hayden
You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
Al Czervik
You're right! You're not your dad! He could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a woman in white gloves!
Richard Hayden
[to the Dude] Keep your ugly fuckin' goldbrickin' ass out of my beach community.
Malibu Police Chief
Come on you fiend!
Raoul Duke
