Popular Comedy Quotes
Charlotte Palmer: She'll be wet through when she returns.
Mr. Palmer: Thank you for pointing that out, my dear.
The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) not at home, (b) home but don't want to talk to me, or (c) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back.Harry Burns
Hal: There's Rosemary.
Hal: Right there!
Mauricio: Is she behind the Rhino?
Come on Stevie, time to leavey, It's the fun bus man!Chip Douglas
Elle: Ughhh. All day long I felt like white open-toed shoes after Labor Day.
Sid: I hate that feeling, whatever that means.
[after revealing her secret to Matt]
Jenny Johnson: Say "I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell."
Matt Saunders: Is that a possibility?
Jenny Johnson: Say it!
Matt Saunders: Ok. I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell.
You'd rather focus on other people's Kodak moments than make memories of your own!Kevin
There's only one Miss Piggy, and she is moi!Miss Piggy
The Cable Guy: Sounds like heart break to me.
Steven Kovacs: Well I really don't want to discuss it with you. Could you just install my cable please? I'm gonna go get dressed.
The Cable Guy: Suit yourself. No sweat off my sac. Oh by the way, you might wanna put on a bathing suit 'cause you'll be channel surfing in no time!
I don't have a problem with objective reporting. What I have a problem with is some wombat... coming on my boat trying to railroad me.Steve Zissou
[looking at an anatomy model of a vagina] Where do you put the penis?Andy Stitzer
Mike: What the fuck are you carrying a gun for? What, in case somebody steps to you, Snoop Dogg?
Sue: Hey man, you're not from here, alright. You don't know how it is. I grew up in L.A.
Sue: Whatever, man. It's different out here. It's not like New York, Mikey.