Popular Comedy Quotes
Phil: Wow! Looking foxy tonight man! Tell me, is your troop gonna be selling cookies this year?
Larry: [Sarcastically] Oh that's so funny Phil!
Morons... your bus is leaving.Phil
Jack: I might be in love with another woman.
Miles Raymond: In love? Really? 24 hours with some wine-pourer chick and you're fucking in love? Come on! And you're gonna give up everything?
Jack: Here's what I'm thinking: you and me, we move up here, we buy a vineyard. You design the wine; I'll handle the business side. You get inspired, maybe write another novel, one that can sell.
Miles Raymond: Oh, my God. No, no.
Jack: As for me, if an audition comes up, LA's right there, man. It's two hours away, not even.
Miles Raymond: Jesus Christ, you're crazy. You're crazy. You've gone crazy.
Jack: All I know is that I'm an actor. All I have is my instinct. You're asking me to go against it.
Do you have life insurance, Phil? Because if you do, you could always use a little more, I mean, who couldn't? But let me tell something - I got's a feeling you ain't got any. Am I right or am I right or am I right?Ned
I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster and drank pina coladas. At sunset we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over...Phil
Ned: So what are you doing for dinner?
Phil: Umm... something else.
Phil: I don't suppose there's any chance of a espresso or cappuccino?
Mrs. Lancaster: [confused look] Oh, I don't know...
Phil: ... how to spell espresso or cappuccino.
Rita: I like to see a man of advancing years throwing caution to the wind. It's inspiring in a way.
Phil: My years are not advancing as fast as you might think.
Phil: You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.
Phil: Do you know what today is?
Rita: No, what?
Phil: Today is tomorrow. It happened.
Jack: Do not drink too much. Do you hear me? I don't want you passing out or going to the dark side. No going to the dark side!
Miles Raymond: Okay!
Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.