Popular Comedy Quotes
Phil: Wow! Looking foxy tonight man! Tell me, is your troop gonna be selling cookies this year?
Larry: [Sarcastically] Oh that's so funny Phil!
Quaffable, but uh... far from transcendent.Miles Raymond
Ahoy polloi.Spalding Smails
Do you have life insurance, Phil? Because if you do, you could always use a little more, I mean, who couldn't? But let me tell something - I got's a feeling you ain't got any. Am I right or am I right or am I right?Ned
I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster and drank pina coladas. At sunset we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over...Phil
Ned: So what are you doing for dinner?
Phil: Umm... something else.
Twinkie. Don't need it. You don't need it, man. You do need a Yodel, though. Good job.Michael Newman
Rita: I like to see a man of advancing years throwing caution to the wind. It's inspiring in a way.
Phil: My years are not advancing as fast as you might think.
Trudy: Hey, Micheal. Micheal, who are you talking to?
Michael Newman: Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma. Take it easy.
Trudy: Oh, yeah? Well, tell him to get a life. You got family here. You're busy. Come on.
Michael Newman: My mother says hello.
Phil: Do you know what today is?
Rita: No, what?
Phil: Today is tomorrow. It happened.
Miles Raymond: Did you read the latest draft, by the way?
Jack: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Miles Raymond: And?
Jack: It's great. I mean there are so many improvements. It's much tighter, just seems... I don't know, more congealed or something.
Miles Raymond: Mm-hmm. What about the new ending? Did you like that?
Jack: Oh, yeah. New ending vastly superior to the old ending.
Miles Raymond: There is no new ending. Page 750 on is exactly the same.
Jack: [pause] Well... maybe it just seemed new because everything leading up to it was so different?
Miles Raymond: [sarcastically] Yeah, that must be it!
Samantha Newman - Age 5: Daddy, how much longer are you going to live?
Michael Newman: [to cellphone] One minute.
Samantha Newman - Age 5: One minute?