Popular Comedy Quotes
Phil: So, did you sleep okay without me? You tossed and turned, didn't you?
Rita: You're incredible.
Phil: Who told you?
Rita: Why would anybody want to steal a groundhog?
Larry: I can think of a couple of reasons... the pervert.
Don't be lost when the time comes, for the day of the Lord cometh like a thief in the night.Reverend Cleophus James
Phil: Can I be serious with you with you for a minute?
Rita: I don't know. Can you?
Is that my sweet Rachel's voice I heard? Or am I just goin' meshuga?Marilyn Hack
Phil: Can I talk to you about a matter that is not work-related?
Rita: You never talk about work.
Phil: What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?
Ralph: That about sums it up for me.
Hey Phil, if we wanted to hit mailboxes we could let Ralph drive.Gus
Phil: It's the same things your whole life. "Clean up your room." "Stand up straight." "Pick up your feet." "Take it like a man." "Be nice to your sister." "Don't mix beer and wine, ever." Oh yeah, "Don't drive on the railroad track."
Gus: Eh, Phil. That's one I happen to agree with.
There is no way this winter is ever going to end as long as that groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don't see any way out of it. He's got to be stopped. And I have to stop him.Phil
Ty Webb: Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out... You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean... You know who that guy was Danny?
Danny Noonan: No.
Ty Webb: Take one good guess.
Danny Noonan: Bob Hope?
Ty Webb: Ha ha... No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.
And now people. And now people. When I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound. I said when I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound. What I heard was the jingle-jangle of a thousand lost souls, departed from this life.Reverend Cleophus James