Popular Comedy Quotes
Phil: So, did you sleep okay without me? You tossed and turned, didn't you?
Rita: You're incredible.
Phil: Who told you?
Rita: Why would anybody want to steal a groundhog?
Larry: I can think of a couple of reasons... the pervert.
Joan Baxter: Maybe God didn't mean a flood in the literal sense. Maybe he meant a flood of... awareness.
Evan Baxter: If that's true... I'm going to be so pissed.
Phil: Can I be serious with you with you for a minute?
Rita: I don't know. Can you?
People! The flood is imminent!Evan Baxter
Phil: Can I talk to you about a matter that is not work-related?
Rita: You never talk about work.
Phil: What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?
Ralph: That about sums it up for me.
Hey Phil, if we wanted to hit mailboxes we could let Ralph drive.Gus
Jack: Fucking chick's married, man.
Miles Raymond: What?
Jack: Her husband works a night shift or something, and he comes home and catches me on the floor with my cock in his wife's ass.
Miles Raymond: Oh, Jesus Christ.
There is no way this winter is ever going to end as long as that groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don't see any way out of it. He's got to be stopped. And I have to stop him.Phil
Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents*.
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.
[to the Heavens] Is it too much to ask for a LITTLE PRECIPITATION?Evan Baxter