Popular Comedy Quotes
[to the groundhog] Don't drive angry. Do not drive angry.Phil
Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
Hey, you wanna go feed that donkey some beer? Get it all messed up?Frank
Gloria Cleary: I've been thinking about what you said and I think the problem is that I'm not being adventurous enough for you.
Jeremy Grey: Gloria, I think that's the complete opposite of what I was saying.
Ned: Phil? Phil Connors? Phil Connors, I thought that was you!
Phil: Hi, thanks for watching.
Ned: Hey now, don't you tell me you don't remember me 'cause I sure as heckfire remember you!
Phil: Not a chance.
Ned: Ned... Ryerson!
What is this, 1958? Give the little wife a blender?Annie
Jack: This chick Stephanie, she's got it all goin' on.
Miles Raymond: Well, she is cute, yeah.
Jack: Cute? She's a fuckin' hottie. And you almost tell her that I'm gettin' married? What's the matter with you?
Annie: What? What's that face?
George: It's nothing.
Annie: Oh, this is going cost you more money.
George: No. It's just... I know I'll remember this moment, for the rest of my life.
Mike Erganian: What is the subject of your book? Non fiction?
Miles Raymond: Uh, no. It's... it's a novel. Fiction. Yes. Although there is quite a bit from my own life... so I suppose that, technically some of it is nonfiction.
Mike Erganian: Good I like non fiction. There is so much to know about this world. I think you read something somebody just invented, waste of time.
Miles Raymond: That's an interesting perspective.
Matty Banks: Can I put Cameron back on the list if he promises not to eat?
George: You know, that's not a bad idea. Who else can we ask not to eat? My parents and your mother.
Annie: Why don't we just charge people? That way we can make money on the wedding?
I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.Ty Webb
[scene after the dog humps toy duck] I have to sew the duck's head back on... and fix his butthole.Donna Newman